It's been a couple of weeks since we had a Doofus Of The Day post. Never fear. Jesus tells us that "you have the poor with you always" (Matthew 26:11), but He omitted to add that the same applies to doofi. (He probably thought it was so obvious that we didn't need reminding!)
Doofus No. 1 for today is Danny Hyde from Stowmarket, England. This idjit not only decided to drive at 130 mph on England's notoriously speed-unfriendly roads, but filmed himself doing it.
Adding cretinhood to stupidity, he then posted the video on YouTube!
Needless to say, the local police and magistrates were absolutely delighted to receive such co-operation from a self-proclaimed scofflaw. Mr. Hyde has just been sentenced to a four-month suspended jail sentence and 210 hours of community service, and his license has been suspended for 18 months. His self-incrimination played a major part in his conviction.
Our second doofus is also from England. Joy Goodman took a job to stuff junk mail into people's mailboxes. She did so to Mr. Paul O'Brien, but his mailbox seems to have been a little less tolerant of junk-mail-stuffers than most of its ilk. Its flap trapped her finger, allegedly resulting in the loss of her fingertip.
Would you believe that she's now suing Mr. O'Brien for damages? She claims that her injury means she can "no longer do her intricate job".
Well, boo-bloody-hoo to you, ducky!
Mr O'Brien, 44, from Morley, Leeds, vowed to fight the claim, branding it "a joke".
The self-employed engineer said: "When I received a solicitor's letter I thought someone was having a laugh."
"I actually told them they had sent it early - April Fool's Day is still six weeks away."
"I just cannot believe someone who came on to my property uninvited, to put junk mail through my door that I didn't want, can now sue me because she hurt herself."
I couldn't agree more with Mr. O'Brien. In fact, if I had that sort of problem with junk mail box-stuffers, I'd be rigging it with razor-blades, Claymore mines and the odd napalm canister to catch them in the act!
Here's hoping she loses heavily and has to pay Mr. O'Brien's legal costs into the bargain.