Ye Gods and little fishes.
Police say a man in Bellevue was caught on tape having sex with a picnic table.
Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.
The neighbor -- who wishes to remain anonymous -- saw Price walk out onto his deck, stand a round metal table on its side and use the hole for the umbrella to have sex.
The most recent instance took place March 14, we're told. A neighbor videotaped Price.
"The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table," Johnson says.
Well, I guess sex with an umbrella hole qualifies as a shady practice, all right!
Mr. Price's exploits have even made it into the Urban Dictionary:
I'm sorry I missed your call. I was out in the back yard giving my lawn chair the old 'Art Price, Jr.'