It's only Monday, and already it looks like a great week for Doofi!
Doofus #92 is a passenger on the French TGV express train.
A passenger on a French train had to be rescued by firemen after having his arm sucked down the on-board toilet.
The 26-year-old victim was trapped when he tried to fish out his mobile phone, which had fallen into the toilet bowl, and fell foul of the suction system.
The high-speed TGV train had to stop for two hours while firemen cut through the train's pipework.
The man was carried away by emergency services, with the toilet still attached to his arm.
"He came out on a stretcher, with his hand still jammed in the toilet bowl, which they had to saw clean off," said Benoit Gigou, a witness to the man's plight.
The incident happened on Sunday evening, aboard a train travelling in western France between La Rochelle and Paris.
Being carried off the train, in full view of everyone, with your arm stuck in a sawn-off toilet . . . that's gotta suck!
- Don't drop your mobile phone into the toilet bowl;
- If you do, don't try to retrieve it - it just ain't worth it!
Doofus #93 is a driver in Vienna, Austria.
An Austrian man, charged with drink driving, drove to a police station to complain about the charge whilst drunk, officials said on Monday.
The 65-year-old had his driving license and car keys first taken away from him on Sunday after driving while over the alcohol limit in the northern city of Linz.
He then went home, picked up his spare car keys, went back to the abandoned car and drove to police headquarters to explain why he was unhappy with the charge.
"When the driver tried to show police officers what had happened the first time, they detected he was still under the influence of alcohol," police said in a statement. The driver was charged a second time.
If at first you don't succeed . . .
Doofus #94 is a reluctant (and exceedingly dumb) bridegroom from Japan.
A Japanese man set fire to the hotel where he was due to get married at the weekend, rather than go through with the ceremony later the same day, newspaper reports said Monday.
Tatsuhiko Kawata, 39, had gone along with wedding plans despite already having a wife, the Yomiuri newspaper said.
"I thought if I set a fire I wouldn't have to go through with the wedding," the Yomiuri quoted him as telling police.
Guests at the hotel were evacuated and no one was injured when he set the fire in the early hours of Sunday morning at the resort hotel in Yamanashi Prefecture, west of Tokyo.
Kawata and his fiancee had been set to get married before 80 guests. He was arrested after suddenly cancelling the event and behaving suspiciously, the Yomiuri said.
Y'know, wouldn't it have been easier to simply say, "I've changed my mind!"???
With such a bumper crop of Doofi already, I'm almost afraid to see what the rest of the week will bring . . .