Fellow blogger and meatspace friend Brigid has compiled another of her very funny lists of how to enhance a relationship (or otherwise - particularly the 'otherwise'). Here's a sample.
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and its the wind (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You fire a load of buckshot in its general direction (+10)
It's her yappy little poodle (-50)
There are many more at the link. Go read, and enjoy!