Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Resistance is futile. You will be hydrated!


I'm a bit mind-boggled to discover that Chuck Norris is about to start selling water branded under his name.

Chuck Norris wants to keep you alive. He will do anything to help.

OK, maybe not anything. But he will provide you with delicious, life-giving water that "bursts from an artesian spring with the same unharnessed power and intensity you'd expect from Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick."

Clearly this is better than all the other water, and it will soon be coming to us from CForce, a water bottling company launched by Norris to bottle aquifer water at his Lone Wolf Ranch in Navasota.

The energizing quote above is from Norris' CForce website, which advertises this water with every bit of the manliness and magnanimity we've come to expect from our favorite butt-kicking star.

"CForce water flows to the surface on its own volition," unlike other, lesser waters that have to be dragged limply from beneath the ground. This is water with purpose, and its purpose is to bring Chuck Norris' energy into your life, to satisfy all of your hydration needs.

There's more at the link.

This is going to start the Chuck Norris meme industry all over again.
  • Chuck Norris will hydrate you, or else!
  • I thought water was for wimps until I discovered Chuck Norris.
  • Some men pass water.  Chuck Norris walks on it.
  • Chuck Norris is never watered down.
I'm sure you can think of plenty of others.  Let's hear them in Comments!




Peter

7 comments:

John Cunningham said...

How about, Chuck Norris changes right wine into gourmet water?

John Cunningham said...

Rotgut wine. Durn auto-correct!

HMS Defiant said...

I remember when George Bush was out on the Potomac fishing with the Pope when the Pope's mitre blew into the river and George told the pope that he would retrieve it and so he did, walking on water over to the hat, picking it up and walking back to the boat.
The press was on the river bank and documented this act of hat retrieval and the New York Tines pointed out that George Bush couldn't swim.

Orvan Taurus said...

Eh, anybody can walk on water. Even ox. Granted, ambient temperature must be be (and have been) quite low for some time.

An then there's that hyponatremia thing from overdosing water.

Johno said...

Chuck Norris Water; great rust remover and bore cleaner, superb marinade for steaks.

Tal Hartsfeld said...

Partaking in the ongoing "bottled water" scam
...Hollywood's celebrity monarchs have no shame or conscience.

Rob said...

"Be Like Chuck." --Bruce Lee