I'd love to know the story behind this report from Kansas.
The Shawnee County Sheriff’s Office said a teen was taken into custody early Saturday morning following an incident at the Petro Deli, north of Topeka.
Deputies responded to Petrol Deli around 3:30 a.m. When they arrived, they found a 17-year-old naked and under the influence.
According to the official report, the teen covered himself in ranch dressing, damaged property inside the business, jumped into a running vehicle and crashed it into a pillar.
There's more at the link.
Er . . . ah . . . why the ranch dressing? What in this addled adolescent's brain could have suggested to him that drenching himself in salad dressing would improve his chances of escape? And what did it to the inside of the vehicle he stole?
Your suggestions in Comments, please!