Have I got a man for you!

I'm delighted to read the following advertisement on Craigslist:

ONE OF THE WORLD'S MOST BEAUTIFUL FEMALE CELEBRITIES IS LOOKING FOR THE LOVE OF HER LIFE.

IN THIS ROMANTIC NEW REALITY SHOW, ONE MAN WILL BECOME THE ENVY OF ALL OTHERS AS HE IS PAIRED WITH ONE OF THE HOTTEST WOMAN OF TODAY.

ARE YOU A HOT, SINGLE GUY BETWEEN THE AGE OF 25-33 WHO’S LOOKING FOR TRUE LOVE…WITH A GIRL ON MAXIM’S HOT 100 LIST?

DO YOUR PARENTS, SIBLING, AUNTS AND UNCLES HAVE LARGER-THAN-LIFE PERSONALITIES AND OUTSPOKEN
OPINIONS ON THE TYPE OF WOMAN YOU SHOULD DATE?

PLEASE INCLUDE PHOTOS OF YOURSELF OR LINKS TO PHOTOS.
A BRIEF DESCRIPTION, YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION: NAME, BUSINESS, DAYTIME PHONE, EMAIL.

EMAIL INFORMATION OR INQUIRIES TO: [e-mail address provided]

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy . . . do I have a man for you!

This gentleman (?) (we'll call him Bubba) got very excited when I showed him this advertisement. You see, Bubba's convinced that he's the answer to every woman's prayer. (Oddly enough, most women appear to disagree with his perspective, but then Bubba believes in the Old Testament theory of womanhood.)

He's in the right age bracket, and his parents, siblings, aunts and uncles certainly have 'larger-than-life personalities and outspoken opinions'. To name but a few examples:

-Uncle Bubba Senior was a three-time Hawg Dawg Champeen at the annual Salt Lick Hollow Come-to-Jesus Revival, Hawg BBQ Competition and Hoedown;

-Aunty Bubba Senior was the hog-calling champion more years than anyone can count at the same event;

-Bubba's brother (Bubba Junior) has no less than eleven arrests for drunk & disorderly conduct, fighting, and domestic violence;

-Bubba's sister (Miz Bubba) hasn't been in jail yet, but that's because her Momma caught her with the Sheriff behind the mobile home one evening, and has threatened to release pictures (captured on the game camera that was set up to cover the yard) if the Sheriff ever arrests her. It would do his re-election prospects no good at all if it became known that he knew (in the Biblical sense) a woman also known (ditto) to more than half the inmate population of the local slammer, so her threat carries immense weight;

-The entire family is convinced that unless you're Southern, Baptist and raised on homemade likker, you're Yankee trash;

-They're all still waiting for the 'free slaves' President Lincoln promised a few years ago. If you try to tell them that he said 'free THE slaves', they accuse you of being Yankee trash, and hard of hearing besides.

I think I'll encourage Bubba to respond to this advertisement. Can you imagine the fun if he wins a place in the show?



Peter