This award is a little late, as the incident in question took place in 2008. However, I've only just learned of it; and it's so gloriously doofish that I simply had to award the protagonist our honored title for today. He's from Hong Kong.
Last night in Hong Kong, the police received a disturbing call from a man in trouble.
Xing, a 41 year-old man, was calling from LanTian park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park.
The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole.
He panicked and called the police to help him.
When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time.
When doctors arrived on the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood, but the penis was so swollen that they ended up having to cut the entire bench free and take it, with Xian attached, to the hospital.
4 painful hours later, Doctors finally separated Xian from his bench.
Doctors stated that if he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his penis.
There's more at the link. Here's a video clip of the unfortunate Mr. Xing on his bed of pain (you should pardon the expression).
I'm guessing he won't try that again in a hurry!
Peter
Gotta love the caption in the title bar of the video.
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