Tuesday, August 17, 2021

Not your average officer...

 

Way back when (so long ago I've forgotten), I came across a purported list of extracts from British military officer fitness reports.  I recently rediscovered it, and thought my readers might enjoy it:  so here goes.


  • His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
  • This officer is not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely-won't-be.
  • When he opens his mouth, it seems this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
  • He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
  • He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
  • Technically sound, but socially impossible.
  • This officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
  • This young man has delusions of adequacy.
  • When he joined my ship, this officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
  • This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
  • Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
  • He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
  • He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
  • This officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
  • In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
  • This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.


I think I served under a number of those fellows.  They came in handy as examples of the kind of officer one didn't want to be!



Peter


5 comments:

  1. You omitted my favorite:

    This officer should not be permitted to breed

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ah, the English and theirlanguage. What a wonder.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm not sure if this is real or fictional:
    He has an abundance of what in myself I would call determination, but which in him I can only call sheer bloodymindedness

    ReplyDelete
  4. I recall reading a number of these, elsewhere. THANKS!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I like the "rock bottom" one. Trying to figure out how to make it a meme or a t-shirt.

    ReplyDelete

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