1. If you find an old bottle of Miralax, don't assume that just because it's old, it may not work as well as a fresh product would.
2. Having taken a dose of the old Miralax that morning, don't assume that just because nothing is moving by that evening, it's definitely not working properly.
3. Even though you think the Miralax isn't working properly, don't unthinkingly take two stool softener tablets that same evening to "hurry things along".
4. When you wake earlier than usual next morning, and spend the next half-an-hour or so disgorging quantities of the usual, you have nobody to blame but yourself.
5. When this is repeated later that morning, with even more disgorgement, you still have nobody to blame but yourself.
6. Notwithstanding your despair, don't even think about buying a cork or a plug, because it would probably end up dislodged with about the same chamber pressure as a firearm cartridge (producing equally explosive, albeit less sanitary results).
7. By evening, sad and sore, engrave the memories of this day upon your mind so that you don't do it again!
That is all . . .
Peter
If everything is working fine, don't drink a large glass of prune juice for the hell of it.
ReplyDeleteMiralax is fine short term (bulking osmotic laxative that doesn't bother diverticulitis)
ReplyDeleteIf you're not getting a good mix of soluble and insoluble fiber in your diet (critical for microbiome health--feed the good bugs) and you're not dealing with other issues (FODMAP, diverticulitis, and others that require professional input) you can supplement. Freshly ground flax seed, proprietary products such as fibersol and sunfiber, oats have good soluble fiber (throw your ground flax into your oatmeal). Plus fermented foods. Psyllium likewise. All the powders should sit for a few minutes after mixing with liquid, and even with that should be chased with extra beverage.
Never eat prunes... or dried apricots... when you're famished...
DeleteWhen you are 16 years old and your mother serves stewed prunes at breakfast, don't have a second helping and then finish your dad's helping before leaving for school.
ReplyDeleteWhen you are at a Jimmy Buffett concert at the Shoreline Amphitheater don't drop a second tab of acid after 45 minutes because the first one isn't doing anything.
😁
Looking back over my fairly long life, there were MANY times, I would stop and reflect on my most recent misadventure and conclude to myself...STOP THAT! Say it in your best Monty Python voice.
ReplyDeleteKeefer. Dozens of little microbial helper species compared to a handful in yogurt. Predictable. Sustainable. And, if you drink very, very old keefer, there’s a good chance you won’t ever need to worry about anything again.
ReplyDeletefor post antibiotic issues the brand to buy is Nancy's. If properly refrigerated at least 80 billion cfus of a good mix of beneficial bacteria per cup. Good example of both not cheap and good value for money. No connection to the company but have gotten really good results.
DeleteFamily (Ken Kesey's wife started the company back in the day) owned and operated fwiw.
My mother in law has no comprehension of this.
ReplyDeleteAt least they can't accuse you of being anal-retentive any more.
ReplyDeleteSounds like round one of colonoscopy prep you have to down a whole bottle of miralax in a 4 hour window, then its blastoff !
ReplyDeletePopcorn
ReplyDeleteJust remember the A&D ointment for you bloody burning bung hole. 1/2 inch on TP and start at the entrance and work your way around about an inch or two. Re apply after each "blast off". Europe got it right using water to clean the mess up.
ReplyDeleteUh...If you refer to it as an "entrance," it will still hurt...
DeleteJust sayin'
Ed
Been there, done that. Unfortunately. ;-(
ReplyDeleteOh, oh! Somebody's getting a colonoscopy! :-)
ReplyDelete(BTDT)
The health gurus call that a bowel cleanse. Supposed to be good for you...
ReplyDeleteThe use of Miralax combined with a pill form (perhaps Dulcolax) looks very much like the protocol most of us over 50 are familiar with used for preparing for a colonoscopy. Although the quantities are different, the prep routine uses 3-4 doses of the Dulcolax over 24 hours, culminating in a 2 hour span where you consume a whole bottle of Miralax dissolvedin enough water (and perhaps some sugar free flovoring) to make 64 oz to be consumed in 15 steps in 8 8 oz slugs. The results are, shall we say, explosive. My daughters used to play a famous "educational" game called Oregon Trail. In it you would often lose settlers to a variety of maladies. Among these maladies was dysentery, which always made me snicker. Having experienced a mild version of that I shall never mock those poor unfortunate electronic souls again. That seems like a horribly miserable and unpleasant way to shuffle off one's mortal coil.
ReplyDeleteAh, yes. Brings back memories of a juvenile, scatological tale about entering a pig in a contest at the local fair. Punch line, "All I remember is that poor monkey trying to put the plug back in".
ReplyDeleteROFLMAO!
ReplyDeleteWell, at least you made it 'in time'...
ReplyDeleteWhile the adventure may be regrettable it is still preferable to bowel obstruction...
ReplyDeleteWelcome to my life. I take a stool softener and five prunes daily. I took a heart drug called Rythmol for five years from 2013 to 2018 which is a long muscle relaxer. That caused my bowels to develop a large abscess in them that can accumulate a huge amount of fecal matter.
ReplyDeleteColchicine has the same effect.
ReplyDelete"Ten Seconds To The Outhouse" A book by Willie Mayket and Betty Wont...
ReplyDelete