Found on MeWe, courtesy of user James Resoldier (I can't provide a direct link to his post, as MeWe doesn't offer that facility).
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Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental.
We have sent the forms which seem right for you.
List at least two alternate dates.
Batteries not included.
Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.
Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear.
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Subject to CAB approval.
No anchovies unless otherwise specified.
Not responsible for typographical errors.
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Text may contain material some readers may find objectionable, Parental guidance is advised.
Prerecorded for this time zone.
Times approximate.
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Restaurant package, not for resale.
If ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a chemist.
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One size fits all.
No user-serviceable parts inside.
This can contains a head-enhancing device; do not shake vigorously.
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Parental advisory -- explicit lyrics.
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Add toner.
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Some assembly required.
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Falling rock.
Price does not include taxes.
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Kilroy was here.
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This supersedes all previous notices unless indicated otherwise.
Uh . . . yeah, I think that covers most of it!
14 comments:
This message was produced in a facility that contains nuts.
Your missed my favorite.
"Do not use snowblower on roof."
"The Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions."
Back in the USENET days, when I had access via my employer, I added a disclaimer to my .sig: "The author is insane. Any opinions are those of Great Cthulhu." After a while, the IT guy suggested that this was not a proper way to distance the company from stuff I was saying on the 'Net.
Meanwhile... I gotta copy this list. Been meaning to create a random-disclaimer dingus for my sidebar, and my list was much shorter than this'n.
Oh, and: "For prevention of disease only." I thought, earlier this year, that this should be printed on masks, for use in jurisdictions where the wearing of masks in public is generally prohibited.
TANSTAAFL
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch!
Close cover before striking
You missed one:
Epstein didn't kill himself.
Spin Drift
Peter, this cracked me up - I am stealing it to use.
You might like the disclaimer I've used on my pages for years:
disclaimer:
Warranties implied or expressed are a figment of your imagination.
Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet. Passports and pants optional.
This is a mandatory smoking trip. If you do not have a cigar, please let your hostess know, and she will provide you with one. 3 drink minimum, restrooms are for customers only, lingerie is optional.
Please stow your luggage and small children in the compartments under your seats; please give any oversize baggage or children to your hostess, and she will be more than happy to check them for you.
Do not use orally after using rectally. Passengers with life-threatening medical conditions should be advised that in the event you have an episode or emergency related to your condition, none of the crew have received medical training, and you’re on your own. If you have any pills with you, please pass them up to the front, so the driver can sample them before departure. Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you.
Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.
We recommend discontinuing use if the quality seal has been broken. There is no use in upsetting the Status Quo.
Do not taunt proprietor with Makita, DeWalt or Milwaukee products. Shelves non-weight-bearing, for decoration only. Lefty loosy, righty tighty. All tips will be sent for disposal by a local mohel. Contains: Milk, Wheat, Peanuts. May contain: Talisker and Cashews.
Caution: This is not a safety protective device. Use with extreme caution. Or not. It's your decision. Do not eat toner. Brain bleach is available for a small nominal fee. Shipping and handling extra.
All sales are final. So go ahead and dispose of that sales receipt.
disclaimer
Not responsible for undercooked products. Beaver is not on the menu. Use the shelving at your own risk. Combine all ingredients and place in a 350 degree oven until 10 PM. It doesn't matter how long it's in, the whole thing is going to come out half-baked anyway. If thinking along the same lines as me persists for more than four hours, call your physician.
Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself.
Oh, and by the way, I know absolutely nothing that will lead to the conviction of Hillary.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
On the box of a steam iron, "do not use on clothing while you are wearing them."
After discovering Mrs. Bitchy McBitchy Bitchface was intercepting her hubby's emails, I added the following warning to all my email accounts.
The content of this email shall be considered confidential and intended for the recipient(s) specified in the message only. It is strictly forbidden to share any part of this message with any third party, without a written consent of the sender. Unauthorized access of this email message by individuals that are not listed as a recipient will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. If you received this message by mistake, please reply to this message and follow with its deletion, so that we can ensure such a mistake does not occur in the future.
I found out by her own stupidity. Right after I sent the email, she texted me asking if I needed her husband for something. Coincidence? Me thinks not.
Trespassers welcome...as Target Practice.
Do not use product if allergic to product.
Do not look at LASER with remaining eye.
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