When Mr. Gummi Bear meets potassium chlorate . . .

. . . the results look like this.

Spectacular, aren't they? Wonder if the result is edible? (Not that I'm volunteering to taste it, you understand . . . )



Peter

Heavily loaded: Part 1 of 5

Thanks to reader C. le M., we have a series of photographs of vehicles that are overloaded to an almost impossible extent. There are too many to include them all in a single post, so I'll split them into five groups and put up one for each day this week.

Here are today's contenders.










Lawdog and I are used to encountering such monstrously overloaded vehicles on the roads of Africa, but most First World residents are appalled on seeing them. Nevertheless, loads like this are a daily fact of life in the Third World, and sometimes in poorer areas of the First and Second Worlds as well. Sure, there are traffic regulations against them, but a bribe tends to take care of such minor details . . .

Peter

A novel way of cleaning up!

I'm still trying to figure out what Lonnie Pinnix of Reidsville, North Carolina, was trying to achieve.

According to the sheriff's office, Darlene Pinnix came home and found her husband agitated. She lay down on the bed, but Lonnie Pinnix held a pistol and told her to get up. Before she could, he fired, hitting her in the back.

Darlene Pinnix suffered a powder burn from the gunshot. She was taken to the hospital for treatment.

Lonnie Pinnix told police he loaded the pistol with toilet paper instead of bullets and shot his wife because she would not leave.

There's more at the link. Italic print is my emphasis.

He loaded his gun with toilet paper??? Surely that's not the usual way to 'clean up the town'? I wonder what was at tissue between them?



Peter

Inflatable wings on a grenade???

Back in June 2008 I did one of my Weekend Wings articles on inflatable aircraft. It was an interesting article to prepare, particularly because inflatable wings - rather than entire aircraft - appeared to be a coming thing in small unmanned aerial vehicles and other applications.

It looks like progress continues in the field. Missile manufacturer MDBA has announced its contender for the US Army's Lethal Miniature Aerial Munition System (LMAMS). According to the LMAMS Request for Information:

1. Subject: The LMAMS is designed to provide a soldier carried, soldier ground launched Non-Line-Of-Sight (NLOS) loitering precision guided system organic at the small unit level that allows unprecedented engagement of enemy combatants without exposing the Warfighter to direct enemy fires.

2. Description: As a result of issuing this RFI, the Government expects to receive technical data describing the proposed concept and innovative methodology information to assist in the following programmatic planning: (1) Determine the ability of current and near term emerging technology to support an LMAMS, (2) Identify feasible system concept alternatives that meet the objectives stated in Paragraph 3, below, (3) Determine the approximate cost information for each alternative, and (4) Determine the estimated performance characteristics associated with each alternative.

. . .

3. Capabilities: This capabilities section enumerates the high-level functional capabilities for LMAMS. The contemplated LMAMS would provide the ground combatant Soldier a NLOS day/night capable precision guided system with the ability to effectively engage and retarget personnel/non-standard vehicle targets. LMAMS will provide increased lethality by quickly locating, tracking, and engaging time sensitive, fleeting targets, or enemy in defilade without operator exposure to threat precision small arms fire.

There's more at the link.

MDBA's proposed offering is known as TIGER, standing for Tactical Grenade Enhanced Range. According to ARES, it's:

... basically a 1lb warhead with inflatable wing, electric propeller, autopilot and camera attached.




Hand-launched, the weapon will fly for up to 2 miles, following pre-programmed waypoints and sending back video from a nose-mounted camera to a laptop ground station, which the operator can use to adjust the impact point.

Again, there's more at the link.

That's a very interesting application of an inflatable wing. The combat soldier could carry two or three of these things in small canisters attached to his gear. When longer-range interdiction of an enemy position becomes necessary, he can take one out of its canister, inflate the wing (presumably using a small gas cylinder in the canister), and send it on its way, controlling its flight through a small console or other device. It'll be almost completely silent, using an electric motor, and invisible in twilight or at night (I presume the camera will be both day- and night-capable). Even during the day, its small size will make it hard to see, and even harder to bring down.

The ability to put up to a pound of high explosive on target with precision-guided accuracy, anywhere within a 2-mile radius, should make the average grunt very happy - and his opponents more than a little paranoid!

Peter

Making the Smart car even smarter!

I'm sure most readers have heard of the Smart ForTwo, a tiny two-seat urban runabout.




I'm astonished to learn that it's inspired all sorts of modifications, expansions, contractions, and plain bizarre adaptations.

First, someone who appears to be a Battle of Britain enthusiast has painted a couple of Smarts to resemble what he allegedly calls the 'MesserSmart', after the German Messerschmitt Bf109 fighter:






and the 'Smartfire', after the British Supermarine Spitfire.






Continuing the martial theme, via Gizmodo we learn of a Smart car that's been modified to resemble a German tank! I'm pretty sure it's not mobile, but it's a nice job, nonetheless.




A Smart tank would certainly give good cross-country mobility, but so would a Smart Monster Truck!




This one's fully mobile. It was developed by Greek rally champion Stefan Attart, who mated the wheels, chassis and engine of a Unimog with the body of a Smart car. (Since both are manufactured by Daimler Benz, I guess there's a certain symmetry there!) Tom Ford of Fifth Gear, a British television motoring program, puts it through its paces in the video below.

That's a high-mobility option, but what if you need more space? Carbonyte Bespoke Vehicle Manufacturers in the UK has that covered. They've converted a Smart car into a mobile advertising and display vehicle by stretching it limo-fashion to a full 17 feet in length.




According to Treehugger:

They are calling the end-product a Smaaart car, and they plan on using it as a "promotional vehicle" that includes "a 20:1 scale fibre-glass replica soft drinks can, complete with ring-pull," not to mention all the room made available for all your green accoutrements (think how many solar panels could fit in there!).

If the above photo of the Smaaart left you wondering where you can buy one for yourself, have no fear: the company has plans to sell the car as "an individual yet environmentally-friendly hearse"--whatever that means--for approximately $50,000. It's still a small price to pay for an ungainly, impractical vehicle (I mean, think about how much money people plunk down for a Hummer!).

There's more at the link.

Inevitably, of course, there are those who want higher performance than that provided by the standard three-cylinder, 698cc. motor, producing up to 61 horsepower. Conversions have been produced in Japan, the UK and Portugal, all using the engine of the Suzuki GSX-R1000 motorcycle or its successor, the Hayabusa.

The first successful conversion appears to have been performed by Japanese company Cruize High Performance. They slotted a GSX-R1000 engine into the Smart ForTwo to produce a very high-performance vehicle. Indeed, judging by the video below, its performance is rather too high for the chassis to cope with in safety!

Another conversion using a GSX-R1000 engine was made by British firm Z Cars. It was commissioned by enthusiast Peter Bee.




According to The Kneeslider:

Z Cars had to build a separate frame to house the engine along with a Cosworth differential and complete independent rear suspension. Phil Seton massaged the GSXR until it was putting out a reliable 180hp. Peter built up a full race MHP titanium exhaust system and then created a handmade wiring harness to integrate all of the Suzuki's engine controls along with the tach, the one that goes red around 13,000rpm. Spax made up a set of coil overs with full height and damping adjustments. Then, someone thought they might want to slow this beast down and they added full floating wavy rotors up front with 6 pot calipers and solid wavy rotors in the rear.

They call the finished car the Smartuki. It's the only one in existence and Z Cars is planning to offer it as an option. Does it run? 0-60 in 4.2 seconds, 1/4 mile in 12.4 seconds and tops out at 132mph. Definitely not your average Smart! Peter says running up to the traffic lights at 13,500rpm is always amusing since other drivers move over when they hear what sounds like a bike coming up fast.

There's more at the link. Smartuki conversion kits are now available (for a price).

The Arrepiado team from Portugal took things to the limit, modifying a Smart car with the Suzuki Hayabusa 1,300cc. engine. This monster seems well-nigh uncontrollable for everyday use, although the team's stunt drivers are able to put it to good use for their special effects.

It's certainly not something I'd want to see in normal traffic!

Finally, the MyMBOnline Forums have produced some interesting images (courtesy of Photoshop or a similar application) of what might be done with the Smart concept. All are strictly hypothetical, of course, but they're fun to look at. Courtesy of user Goliath27, we have the 'Smorvette';




the 'Smorsche';




and the 'Smerarri'!




There are more examples at the link. Looks like someone had a lot of fun designing them!

It's amazing what a little imagination can do with - and to - a little car, isn't it?



Peter

Doofus Of The Day #378

Today's Doofus is from Italy.

Maria Rizzo, 34, stopped to admire the spectacular view from the street above this house in Alassio in northern Italy.

But she was so intent on taking a picture that she forgot to put on the handbrake.




Her car rolled away, smashing through a barrier and plunging down the hill onto the house below.

It broke through the roof and landed in the bathroom, with the front end wedged in an iron bath which broke the fall and stopped the Fiat Panda plunging further into the house.

There's more at the link.

I wonder how they're going to get that car out of there? Doesn't seem to be any natural approach for a crane . . . perhaps a helicopter with a winch? However they do it, it promises to be expensive!

Peter

Expanding my vocabulary

The Sun has published a list of what it calls 'Words for stuff there aren't words for'. It's rather fascinating. Some examples:

POGONION: The bit in the middle of your chin that most sticks out.

GLABELLA: The gap between your eyebrows.

SIMOUS: A flat or turned up nose.

WIKINS: The corners of the mouth.

BORBORYGMUS: The rumbling sounds made by the tummy.

CALLIPYGIAN: Ancient Greek word for a shapely bum.

COCKTHROPPLED: Having an unusually large Adam's apple.

HYPNOPOMPIC: The fuzzy state between being asleep and awake.

DUNDUCKYTIMUR: A dull but indescribable colour.

WHEEP: Sound of a steel weapon being drawn from its sheath.

HODGER: Someone who eats all the host's food and drinks all their drink.

VURP: Something that's between vomit and a burp.

There are more at the link. Good fun - and sometimes thought-provoking, too!

Peter

The Bard of Rock, the Minstrel of Roll

I've been having an argument via e-mail with a couple of friends over who, among modern rock musicians, can be compared to the bards and minstrels of old. They have their favorites, but to me the title has belonged to one man, and one man only, since the late 1960's. That man is Ian Anderson, founder of Jethro Tull, composer, singer, musician . . . genius.

Perhaps it would be best to first establish precisely what I'm talking about. The term 'bard' meant "a professional poet, employed by a patron, such as a monarch or nobleman, to commemorate the patron's ancestors and to praise the patron's own activities". Minstrels were, in a sense, descendants of the bards. Wikipedia defines the term as follows:

A minstrel was a medieval European bard who performed songs whose lyrics told stories about distant places or about real or imaginary historical events. Though minstrels created their own tales, often they would memorize and embellish the works of others. Frequently they were retained by royalty and high society. As the courts became more sophisticated, minstrels were eventually replaced at court by the troubadours, and many became wandering minstrels, performing in the streets and became well liked until the middle of the Renaissance, despite a decline beginning in the late 15th century. Minstrelsy fed into later traditions of traveling entertainers, which continued to be moderately strong into the early 20th century, and which has some continuity down to today's buskers or street musicians.

So, in terms of the rock 'n roll era, I'm trying to find musicians who embody those earlier traditions and play (and sing) music that accomplishes the same purpose. Most modern music doesn't even come close, of course.

I've sent several links to my friends to justify my selection of Ian Anderson. The difficulty with someone like him, of course, is to make a limited selection amongst the enormous number of songs and pieces he's composed. For every one I select, there are at least half-a-dozen that could do just as well. I'll put up a dozen or so here, stretching through his forty-year-plus career, to demonstrate why I think he stands alone as the 'bard' or 'minstrel' of the rock era. I've tried to select some less-well-known pieces, and wherever possible to find concert recordings rather than studio or made-for-TV clips.

First, here's 'Wond'ring Aloud' from the album Aqualung in 1971.

In 1973 Jethro Tull tried to record a new album in France, which they abandoned unfinished (eventually releasing the surviving songs as 'the Chateau d'Isaster tapes' on the double album Nightcap in 1993). Among the songs was this very tongue-in-cheek look by Anderson at animals and their feeding habits.

From the 1976 album Too Old To Rock 'n Roll: Too Young To Die! came this gem: 'From A Dead Beat To An Old Greaser'. This is a live version, released on the album A Little Light Music in 1992.

The late 1970's saw Jethro Tull produce a trio of folk rock albums: Songs From The Wood, Heavy Horses and Stormwatch. All three remain among my favorites. Here's the title song from the first album, the original music video version.

From the same album, here's 'Pibroch (Cap In Hand)', a haunting song of love and loss.

From Stormwatch, here's 'Flying Dutchman'.

After a period of electronic experimentation, Jethro Tull and Anderson returned to their rock roots with the 1987 album Crest Of A Knave. This went on to win a Grammy award in 1989 for 'Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance Vocal or Instrumental', the only one ever awarded in that category - and a very controversial award it was too! From that album, here's 'Budapest', in a live performance given at the Lugano Festival of Jazz on the Piazza della Riforma on 9th July 2005.

In 1988 the group released 20 Years Of Jethro Tull, a compilation album celebrating two decades of music. From that album, here's 'Part Of The Machine'. This is a live performance, recorded that year as part of the album tour.

1991 saw the group's 18th studio album, Catfish Rising. It's one of my favorites. This song from that album, 'Doctor To My Disease', always makes me smile (and frequently chuckle) with its rather unique and tongue-in-cheek look at relationships.

1995 saw the album Roots to Branches, a more thoughtful look at life, the universe and everything, incorporating Arabic and Far Eastern influences. From that album, here's 'Beside Myself', recorded live in Brazil in November 2000.

In November 2008, Jethro Tull were to have performed a live concert in Mumbai, India, with Anoushka Shankar and her musicians. Tragically, the concert had to be canceled due to terrorist attacks in that city. The concert was subsequently re-scheduled as a fundraiser for victims of the attacks. A Billion Hands Concert was staged on December 5th, 2008. Ian Anderson composed several pieces specially for the performance, incorporating both Western rock and folk influences and Eastern rhythms and themes. Here's a video clip of one of those pieces from that concert, with Anderson and Shankar leading their combined groups in 'Celtic Cradle'.

There. I've linked to eleven of Jethro Tull and Ian Anderson's pieces, and as I said earlier, I could have linked to many, many more. I hope these selections illustrate my point: that there's only one 'Bard' or 'Minstrel' of the rock age, and that's Ian Anderson (unless and until he dies, or hands over the title to someone else whom he feels deserves it).

In closing, how can we possibly leave Ian Anderson without watching one of his famous solo interludes on the flute? This one was recorded in Tampa, Florida, in 1976, and demonstrates the young Anderson's flamboyant showmanship as well as his musical ability.

And if we highlight Anderson's personal contribution, we can't go without a tip of the hat to the quintessential Jethro Tull song, 'Aqualung', which will forever be associated with them. Here's a live performance, details unknown.

I think these pieces adequately demonstrate the unique bardic and minstrel influence and effect in Ian Anderson's compositions and Jethro Tull's performances. With that, I rest my case!

Peter

Doofus Of The Day #377

Today's (late) Doofus comes from South Carolina.

A Summerville man celebrating his 23rd birthday died early Thursday after he apparently tried to "slap the train" as it traveled past a local bar.

Justin Helton was pronounced dead at the scene after suffering multiple fractures and massive blunt force injuries, Dorchester County Coroner Chris Nisbet said.

. . .

Witnesses told Summerville police officers that Helton had been drinking throughout the night and appeared to be in a good mood until he had an argument with an ex-girlfriend, an incident report said.

The woman told police that Helton became upset and went to the oncoming train to touch it with his hand when his foot became stuck in the track in front of the train. She said it did not appear as if he jumped in front of the train, according to the report.

Another witness said she watched the incident from the bar's front porch. She said Helton ran out of a car to the edge of the grass near the railroad tracks. He was standing with his arms spread out and the wind was whipping his shirt hard. The witness said it appeared as though he hit the side of the train and didn't get back up, the report said.

Nisbet said the train conductor was unaware of what happened and had to be stopped farther along the tracks for the investigation.

There's more at the link.

He wanted to 'slap the train'.

. . . . . .

He wanted to WHAT???

Sometimes words absolutely fail me . . .





Peter

Move over, grammar!

Via The Gormogons, we learn of David Malki's latest contribution to civilization: a list of collective nouns for the supernatural.




I love it! Gems such as 'a bedevilment of bunyips' and 'a dastardly of manticores' add much to the language. Fantasy writers everywhere will be thanking Mr. Malki devoutly, even as they sharpen their pens' nibs and call loudly for more paper. As for religion, how can one possibly top 'an itself of Yahwehs'? Of course, given that the Jewish God is emphatically and indivisibly singular, that particular collective noun might be somewhat superfluous, but we won't get into theological debates here . . .

You'll find a larger version of the chart at the link. You can order it as a 16"x16" poster as well, if the fancy takes you. It certainly does me!

Peter

The end of the beer wars?

I've written before about the Scottish brewery Brewdog and their over-the-top beers. Last year they released 'Tactical Nuclear Penguin', a beer with a 32% alcohol content. This was topped by German brewery Schorschbrau in January this year with an 80 proof (40% alcohol content) beer; so Brewdog came right back with 'Sink The Bismarck!', with 41% alcohol content.

It seems that Brewdog has decided to settle the argument about who brews the strongest beer once and for all. They've just released a (very) limited edition of 'The End Of History', which has a staggering 55% alcohol content. That's right up there at moonshine levels! Even single malt Scotch normally contains only 40%-45% alcohol by volume.

Brewdog has this to say about their new beer:

The End of History: The name derives from the famous work of philosopher Francis Fukuyama, this is to beer what democracy is to history. Fukuyama defined history as the evolution of the political system and traced this through the ages until we got the Western Democratic paradigm. For Fukuyama this was the end point of man’s political evolution and consequently the end of history. The beer is the last high abv beer we are going to brew, the end point of our research into how far the can push the boundaries of extreme brewing, the end of beer.

. . .

This blond Belgian ale is infused with nettles from the Scottish Highlands and Fresh juniper berries. Only 12 bottles have been made and each comes with its own certificate and is presented in a stuffed stoat or grey squirrel. The striking packaging was created by a very talented taxidermist and all the animals used were road kill. This release is a limited run of 11 bottles, 7 stoats and 4 grey squirrels. Each one comes with its own certificate of authenticity.




In true BrewDog fashion we've torn up convention, blurred distinctions and pushed brewing and beer packaging to its absolute limits. This beer is an audacious blend of eccentricity, artistry and rebellion; changing the general perception of beer one stuffed animal at a time.




The impact of The End of History is a perfect conceptual marriage between art, taxidermy and craft brewing. The bottles are at once beautiful and disturbing – they disrupt conventions and break taboos, just like the beer they hold within them.

Brewdog have also released this video about their new beer.

All eleven bottles have already been sold, unfortunately. The seven stoat bottles went for £500 (currently US $771) apiece, and the four squirrel bottles for £700 (currently US $1,080) each. That's quite a price to pay . . . but then, there'll probably never be another beer like it. I wonder how many of those bottles will end up being drunk, compared to those put away as investments?

Peter

History on the wing!

Here's a great video, courtesy of Flight Global, showing one of the Boeing 787 prototypes leaving the Farnborough Air Show in England today, escorted by two World War II-vintage Spitfire fighters. I highly recommend watching it in full-screen mode.

Great images - and the size of the 787 in comparison to the relatively tiny, sleek fighter aircraft is very apparent. It's enough to make any aviation enthusiast smile!

Peter

What's in a name?

The residents of a peculiarly-named town in England have had to go to extremes to prevent its name-board from being continually stolen. The Daily Mail reports:

It might have been easier to just change the name of their little hamlet.

Instead, however, the residents of Shitterton have had it set in stone.

Their decision comes after amused visitors to the community in Dorset repeatedly stole signs bearing its name.

They were wooden and far too easily removed by anyone wanting to take home a souvenir. Three had disappeared in a year.

Now thieves will have to work a good deal harder after some of Shitterton's 100 or so villagers clubbed together to pay for a stone sign cemented into the ground.




Ian Ventham, 62, who lives in Shitterton Farmhouse, said of the latest theft: 'We think it was kids who would like to have it stuck on the wall in a den somewhere because it's quite an interesting sign.

'I don't think it was malicious, they just did it for fun, but it was exasperating for us.'

He added: 'We would get a nice new shiny sign from the council and five minutes later, you'd turn your back and it was gone. Not having the signpost could make life difficult by confusing delivery drivers.

'We thought, "Let's put in a ton and a half of stone and see them try and take that away in the back of a Ford Fiesta".'

. . .

In the Domesday Book, Shitterton is recorded in Norman French as Scatera or Scetra, which means a little town on a stream.

Mr Ventham said: 'In Victorian times prudes decided to call it Sitterton. The Ordnance Survey has it down as Shitterton, so that is definitely the correct name. Some still prefer to call it Sitterton, but most of us prefer the rather more earthy version.'

There's more at the link.

I guess it must have been more than a little annoying to have the wood signs disappearing at regular intervals . . . but it's a pity they had to use stone in loo of wood!



Peter

Apple, lawsuits and dog poop

Following the news of several interesting iPhone apps (see below), we learn of an Australian company that's had to rename its product after getting crossways with Apple.

Frustrated Apple customers dealing with new faulty iPhones may think they belong in the loo but a Perth company's foray into toilet humour got them into trouble with the technology giant.

Outdoor adventure equipment manufacturer Sea to Summit spent two years developing a small aluminium spade designed for campers to dig holes and deposit human waste following guidelines from ethical outdoor travel organisation Leave No Trace.

General manager Rob McSporran said the company dubbed the trowel "iPood!" and registered it as a trademark in Australia in October 2006.




"We identified that there was a hole in the market for a sturdy poo trowel. Many cheap ones on the market are plastic and break easily and people end up leaving bits of plastic all over the place," Mr McSporran said.

"The purpose of the product is to help people be responsible, to educate people, but talking about burying your poo tends to turn people off so we had a bit of fun [with the name]."

It had been on the market for seven months before Apple's lawyers swooped, asking Sea to Summit to cancel its Australian trademark registration, withdraw applications in the US and China, and change the product name once the stock ran out.

"Sea to Summit iPood is clearly similar to Apple's iPod, there being merely a single letter difference," the letter said.

"For obvious reasons, Apple's reputation for clean design and high-tech electronics will suffer should it be associated with latrines and the like through Sea to Summit's use of iPood."

Mr McSporran said the company, which has 40 employees and was established 20 years ago, decided to abide by the request because they didn't have the resources to fight it.

"We have changed the name to Pocket Trowel, which is a bit boring," he said.

But he said the cost of changing the product name on packaging and marketing was negligible.

Yes, the name was an obvious parody, and I guess Apple had the right to tell them to change it . . . but I think Apple would have done far better to leave the name as it was. Think of all the free publicity - and the laughs!



Peter

Weird iPhone apps

I've come across references to a few really strange-sounding applications ('apps') for Apple's iPhone. I thought you might be interested in a few of them. I've listed them in alphabetical order. Click on the name to be taken to the app's page on Apple's iTunes catalog.


iLickit:

Claims to rate how well you lick. Version 1.1 is said to be:

'BETTER IMPROVED MORE SENSITIVE TONGUE OPTIMIZED ENGINE ESPECIALLY IF YOU PLAY WITH PLASTIC WRAP ON YOUR IPHONE!'

Why the plastic wrap? It's for purposes of hygiene, apparently . . . although if it tears, I daresay you'd be practicing lickety-split!


Paranormal State EMF Meter:

"... turns your device into a simulated EMF meter. Paranormal investigators use EMF meters to check for electromagnetic fields, which are emitted by nearly everything in nature, and could be a sign from the beyond. Delve deep into the strange and the mysterious with your Paranormal State EMF meter. Scan your surroundings for suspicious activity. Got a reading? Move slowly back and forth to hone in on the exact location. Or switch to manual mode and fool your friends by sliding your finger along the green line to control the action of the needle."

Passion:

"Ever wondered if how well you compared to other people during sex, well now you can with Passion. This iPhone application measures how well you perform during sex, and gives you a rating from 0 to 10, 10 being the highest. Then you can go online and see how well you did against the rest of the world. Passion works by using all of the iPhone’s distinct features such as the microphone, accelerometer and many others to determine an accurate score. All you have to do is start the application, put your iPhone on the bed, in an arm band, or even in your pocket and have i*********e, it is as easy as that. Once you are finished, press the stop button and view your results."

(I note that you have to have an Internet connection the first time you use this app. Lends a new meaning to the term 'plug-and-play', doesn't it?)


Virtual Voodoo:

"With Virtual Voodoo you can use the full power of the New Orleans Voodoo. No matter if you are seeking for love or you want to send some bad vibes to someone you can do it. You don't know the meaning of the different Voodoo pins? No problem just touch a pin for a while and the meaning of this pin is shown.




"To make it even more efficient you can personalize the doll with a photo from your photo album or take a new one with your camera (iPhone only). After that use the built in screenshot feature to take a photo of your doll to send to your friend or victim.

"Use the built in accelerometer or the touchscreen of your iPhone or iPod touch to push the doll around for maximizing your Voodoo spell or use it just as a stress relieve (sic)."

Wart Healer:

No longer available on the iTunes App store, but still available from the developer, whose Web site states:

"Wart Healer provides wart removal via mental healing. Wart Healer is the first iPhone app offering professional and reliable mental healing services. Behind Wart Healer is a professional mental healer who specializes in long distance wart healing.

. . .

How does wart healing work?

During the wart healing process the healer tries to remove the wart on a spiritual level, working on the person's energy. The goal is that the wart falls off or dries out without leaving any scare. Wart healing is always practiced during a the moon's decreasing phase. The client does not have to be present, a picture of the wart is sufficient. It can take up to 111 days until first effects are visible.

What do I have to do?

It is easy to use Wart healer. All you have to do is follow these steps:

1) Download the application.

2) Upload a picture of the wart.

3) Be patient. The healer starts working during the moon's next decreasing phase and first visible effects can take up to 111 days.




Note: You can only upload one wart picture (that means that the purchase of the application includes the work on only one wart). However, the application offers the possibility to purchase another upload (as an In-App purchase)."

One download, one wart? At $12.99 a time, is it wart the price?



Peter

It's off to the snail races!

Here's a video clip of the breathtaking excitement!

Er . . . yes, well, quite! The Telegraph reports:

A snail called Sidney beat 200 competitors to win the world snail racing championships in Norfolk.

Sidney streaks for the line

The gastropod won the final at the village fete in Congham, Norfolk on Saturday in a time of three minutes and 41 seconds.

His owner, 62-year-old Claire Lawrence from Litcham, Norfolk, was presented with a silver tankard filled with lettuce.

Congham, which has hosted the world championships for more than 25 years, has been hailed as the “Newmarket of snail racing”.

Organisers believe the Norfolk village is ideal racing and breeding ground for the gastropods.

Hilary Scase, a championship official, said: "Snails like damp conditions and as Congham is surrounded by ponds and is very low lying it is just right for snails. Congham is to snail racing what Newmarket is to horse racing.”

Races, which begin with the shout “Ready, steady, slow”, are held on top of a table covered with a damp cloth.

The snails are placed in the centre of an inner circle, from which they must travel 13 inches to an outer circle which forms the finishing line.

Once the snails have been placed inside the inner circle, their owners are not allowed to touch them. The 13 inch course is kept well watered throughout to encourage good speeds.

Heats are held throughout the afternoon with a grand final at the end.

The world record of 2 minutes over the 13 inch course was set up by a snail called Archie in 1995.

The previous world champion was Heikki Kovalainen, named after the Formula One driver by his owner, 13-year-old Georgie Brown from East Winch, Norfolk.

The popularity of snail racing is attested to by Guinness, who went so far as to use the 'sport' as a theme for one of their extended television advertisements.

I wonder if they cook the losers? That would spur me to greater efforts, if I were a snail . . .





Peter

It's udderly divine!

I had to laugh at the expression on this cow's face.




It's getting a rub-down from the latest thing in dairy farming. The Daily Mail reports:

The animal is enjoying a spell in the cow wash, which, according to its designers DeLaval, is welcome news for farmers as well.

The cow wash boosts milk production by improving the animal's blood circulation and stopping the spread of disease, says the company.

The company has already sold 30,000 cow washes in its native Sweden, and is now bringing the product to the UK.

A spokesman said the cows enjoy the sensation of being brushed and it can boost milk production by 3.5per cent.

. . .

'It is very popular among dairy farmers. Cows using the swinging cow brush are cleaner, calmer and therefore more balanced.'

A study conducted by scientists in the USA found the brush resulted in better animal health due to an increase in blood circulation.

There's more at the link.

There's only one problem I can foresee . . . if this sort of thing boosts cow production, how long can it be before employers begin installing them in human offices and factories, to give us all a rub-down for productivity's sake?



Peter

A funeral with eternal complications?

A Romanian family have a difficult problem to deal with. The Austrian Times reports:

Romania's fattest man, Cristian Capatanescu, 54, is to get a post-mortem liposuction so that half of him can be buried in a regular sized coffin - and the other half cremated.




Capatanescu, pictured above being moved by firemen from his home in Ramnicu Valcea, died of multiple organ failure in a Bucharest hospital bed while waiting for doctors to carry out a stomach reduction surgery to help him lose weight. Now relatives have asked if it would be possible for doctors to cut away a few bits anyway so that he will fit in a regular sized coffin. Capatanescu's family say that they cannot afford a large sized reinforced coffin and as a result want to incinerate part of his body - and bury the rest in a regular sized coffin.

His wife told local media they would have two funerals - a traditional burial and also a service for the part of him that was cremated.

Hmm . . . as a retired pastor, this poses an interesting theological problem. At the resurrection of the body, what happens if it's resurrected in two parts? I can see part of Mr. Capatanescu rising majestically from his grave, and the liposucted fat (is 'liposucted' a word? 'Liposucked', perhaps?) wobbling its way skywards from wherever else it was disposed of, and the two bits trying to find one another on the way up!





Peter

Fun with whales

I'm sure many readers have seen the news report about a yacht in Table Bay, South Africa, that was struck by a breaching Southern right whale. In case you missed it, CNN had this to say:

Paloma Werner, 50, of the Cape Town Sailing Academy, and her partner Ralph Mothes had been watching the whale from a distance in Table Bay, near Cape Town harbor, when it moved toward their 10-meter vessel and breached 20 meters away.




Southern right whales are a common sight in Cape Town waters during the breeding season from June to November, drawing whale watchers to the region. Werner said the couple -- both experienced sailors -- expected the creature to go under the boat before re-emerging on the other side.

"I looked around and I saw this huge whale coming out of the water and smashing against the side of the boat," Werner told CNN. "The whale slipped back into the water but we just saw the mast with all its rigging and everything flying towards us, and that was scary, actually."

Werner said Mothes ducked behind the steering wheel which bore the impact of the mast. And while the masts need replacing, Werner said the steel structure of the boat was undamaged. "Miraculously nothing happened to us," she added.




A tourist on a nearby boat captured the moment when the whale breached out of the water on camera.

Werner said she had spoken to a local marine mammal expert who had told her that the incident was a "freak accident." Because the couple had been sailing without the engine on, the whale had failed to hear them, she said.

"It was a young southern right whale and he was just having fun. They have very poor eyesight and obviously if they're breaching visibility is very poor. The whale did not intend to attack us, it just did not hear us."

There's more at the link.

I was particularly interested in this story because I know those waters well. I've sailed out of the Royal Cape Yacht Club on many occasions aboard small craft, and I've watched the whales in Table Bay frolicking (particularly when the young calves have been born and are learning to play). I'm not surprised to hear of a young whale striking a yacht like this. If there's no engine or other noise-making device to alert them, the whales don't know that a boat's in the vicinity. The adults will have learned to look around, not just listen, but the juveniles have to learn that lesson the hard way!

I doubt the whale was badly hurt; it's protected by thick layers of blubber and a tough skin. Apart from a severe bruising, it should be fine. It's a good thing that was a steel-built yacht . . . a fiberglass hull would almost certainly have been fractured, leading to the vessel sinking. Still, it'll cost a pretty penny to replace the mast and rig. I wonder what the insurance company will say when they read the cause of loss?

Peter

A long time ago, in a grocery store far far away . . .

What happens when Star Wars meets organic fruit and vegetables?

That's a pretty clever advertisement, all things considered.

Peter