World's weirdest hotel guest complaints

I'm chuckling at an article in the Sydney Morning Herald, listing some of the most outlandish complaints made by hotel guests.

A selection:

• A star footballer complained his ocean-view hotel room overlooking Sydney's Manly beach was unsuitable because the sound of the sea kept him awake.
• A tourist at a top African game lodge occupied a much-in-demand high-priced perch overlooking a waterhole where wild animals came to drink. He moaned that one of the elephants was visibly aroused, and that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".
  
• A panic-stricken woman called reception and angrily protested that she was locked in her room. Staff were initially puzzled. It turned out that she had never previously stayed in a hotel and, seeing a "Do Not Disturb" sign hanging on the doorknob, wrongly assumed that she should not open the door that would has allowed her to leave her room.
• A tourist accidentally got out of the lift on the wrong floor at a Berlin hotel and tried to enter a room he thought was his. A terrified-sounding English voice screamed from inside: "Go away - I've got a gun and I'll call the police!" Next morning in the lobby he heard a complaining British businessman telling the assistant manager: "I'm checking out a day early because of terribly lax security in this hotel. People try to get into your room in the middle of the night."
• A guest complained that there was cheese on the cheese platter and demanded a replacement without the offensive dairy product.
• A customer complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.
• A group of security-conscious UFO-believers held a conference at a hotel, and complained of a risk their gathering would be infiltrated by aliens from outer space because the locks on meeting room doors hadn't been changed.
• A tourist opted to travel by train at night because doing so was cheaper - then complained of an inability to see the European scenery.
  

Somehow I don't think I'd do well in the hospitality industry. The temptation to make a truly snarky reply would be overwhelming! The second complaint in particular, about the well-hung elephant making the tourist feel 'inadequate', would be absolutely irresistible . . .



Peter