Back in March, The Dark Herald (who blogs at Arkhaven Comics) reviewed Disney's then-new Snow White movie. The film flopped at the box office (from all accounts, deservedly so).
The review is one of the most devastating, and also funniest, critiques of a film that I've ever read. I laughed out loud several times. Here's an excerpt.
The film decided that all things being equal it needed to provide an explanation for Snow WHITE’s melanin surplus. She was born in a blizzard… And the snow was white.
Moving on.
The king and queen run a communism-that-works-just-like-Marx-said-it-would magic kingdom, with an economy based on apples. This is a fantasy after all.
The queen dies off-camera and the king acquires a mysterious beautiful Israeli queen with evil Jew sorcery or something. Anyway, the hippie king, decides to get killed defending his borders, although given the ethnic make up of his realm it’s rather surprising he had any.
The Queen takes over, puts princess Snow White in rags and makes the bitch work for a living. The narrator moans about her monetarist economic policy as opposed to the previous regime’s apple based currency.
. . .
Snow White in the original, does the feminine thing; she cooks and cleans for the Dwarfs as a way to earn her keep and they come to love her for it. Here, Snow White demands that they do a better job of cleaning their house for her and bosses them around while dancing and singing uselessly like any good Marxist. Domestic incompetence is the hallmark of any proud feminist.
. . .
It’s not that Zegler is uniquely horrible. Far from it. Most theater kids are as obnoxious as she is. However, most have to go through some period of time where humility is forced down their throats. Fighting their way up from the chorus line and waiting tables to make ends meet. Eating crow when the star upstages them during their single line of dialog. That kind of thing. Rachel Zegler on the other hand was hurled straight from singing on YouTube to headlining Speilberg’s West Side Story as Maria. She never learned how to not be obnoxious. She seems spoiled and vicious on Twitter but most people her age are.
Regardless, every time she opened her mouth she not only stuck her foot in it but she would inevitably find some way to fit the other foot in there with it.
There's more at the link.
I highly recommend reading the whole review. It's laugh-a-minute stuff, particularly if you're tired of Disney's political correctness and the "woke" entertainment industry as a whole.
Peter
11 comments:
Well, it sounds even weirder and certainly worse than Rammstein's version of the Snow White story for their music video for Sonne.
Zegler is radioactive at this point. Any filmmaker with an IQ to the north of room temperature won't have anything to do with her.
That review was fun!
Something else I find amusing is that the Korean woman hired to sing the dubbed version of that "Waiting on a Wish" song looks more like Snow White than Ms. Zegler does...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBBJS-R0wcI
ah, so Snow White got her name the Native way
Why is my brother named Soaring Eagle? The Chief replies, "When your brother was born the first thing I did was take him outside, and saw a eagle soaring through the air." The boy then asks, "Why is my sister named Sitting Bull?" The boys father says, "When your sister was born I brought her outside and the first thing I saw was A bull sit down in the field. Why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking?"
"Regardless, every time she opened her mouth she not only stuck her foot in it but she would inevitably find some way to fit the other foot in there with it."
And then shoot herself in both feet. And then reload, and do it again.
FIFY.
I watched this unpack in real time here in Hollyweird.
There is nothing wrong with Zegler that could not be improved immeasurably by having her repeatedly punched in the face, beaten with spiked clubs, kidnapped, sold into slavery for a decade's service in a Sudanese brothel, and then returned to Manhattan and kicked out of a car doing 50MPH.
She'd be a much better person for it, and we'd be spared watching the last sparks of her happily-abbreviated show business career continue to be stomped out of existence by Godzilla. Disney has literally removed all trace that their execrable rape of Walt Disney's masterpiece ever happened, then bleached the bare spot it left on the wall, then burned the building down, and firing everyone who touched it. With actual fire. Zegler has ruined more careers in Hollywood than cocaine, to date, and she may yet be the trigger that starts an anti-woke avalanche.
As it is, Charlie Sheen stands a better chance (FTR, Pete Rose will get into the Hall Of Fame before Sheen ever gets another casting call) of getting hired again for entertainment work that Zegler does (unless she starts stripping and working street corners in Hollywood), and unlike Zegler, Sheen actually has demonstrable and box-office proven talent. Personally, I'm hoping I'm wrong, and she gets cast in Alec Baldwin's next flick about on-screen domestic violence and a script including a prop gun.
Zegler will go down in Hollywood history as the biggest flaming disaster since the Hindenburg tried landing in Lakehurst NJ. She is everything wrong with Hollywood for 40 years in one person, and the flaming meteorite of her vanishing career couldn't have happened to a more deserving dancing monkey. But here's hoping she's the beginning of a wave of such incidents, rather than a one-off example of self-cancellation.
As bad as this film may be, I bet Rachel will still get more acting gigs, at fabulous salaries, because...
Snow White, the animation, was the best video version of the classic story. Everything's there, the horror, the silly, the moral lessons. Which is why this new 'live action' turd bites the big one. No moral story, well, at least no good moral story.
The Dr Who review at the same site isn't all that off the mark either!
..."Cow Peeing on Flat Rock."
(small voice) So, umm ... you're saying that Zeigler is box office poison?
Re: Pete Rose.
"Lifetime ban". Now that Senor Hustle is no longer with us, there is talk of HOF induction.
Bout time!
Tom762
Not so much.
She's been blackballed by Disney and Spielberg.
That pretty much makes her ass cancer in Hollywood, and women - especially actresses - age like milk in that town.
Her entertainment career options at this point are Only Fools, and Mexican soap operas. Probably involving a close proximity with a stripper pole in either case.
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