There's been a bumper crop of political silliness in the headlines over the past few days.
First, via Rodney Balko, we learn of a candidate for the office of Mayor in Minneapolis who's a bit off the beaten track.
Among the 11 people who want to be mayor of Minneapolis are three people who claim Democratic Farmer-Labor allegiances, one Socialist Worker's Party candidate, a Libertarian and a man from something called the Edgertonite Party ...
Electoral politics in Minnesota have never been dull.
Then there is the fledgling candidacy of one Joey Lombard, a 22-year-old unemployed musician who lists his "political party or principle" as "Is Awesome."
On his Facebook page, Lombard counsels that voters "just fill in 'Joey Lombard is Awesome' as your first choice for mayor, and leave the rest of the ballot blank, it's that simple!"
I called Joey Lombard and asked him what makes him awesome.
"Just in general," he said. "Everybody I know thinks so."
I mentioned that my colleague pointed out candidates were allowed three words for their political party name or principle, and that Lombard seemed to have missed the opportunity to belong to the "Is Totally Awesome" party.
"Arggggggggh, man!" said Lombard, sounding genuinely upset. "I didn't even think of that."
It's possible that political careers were built upon shakier foundations. After all, Minnesotans have elected a wrestler and a comedian, and the state has survived. But I wondered how Lombard decided to run for mayor.
"My girlfriend was always whining about how I don't do enough for the world," said Lombard. "So I said, 'OK, I'm going to run for mayor of Minneapolis and make everybody love each other."
So, even though he quit his job at Macy's ("Not a good idea, in retrospect"), Lombard plunked down the 20 bucks and began to run for mayor. How did his girlfriend respond?
"She thought I was making a mockery of the electoral system," Lombard said.
And his parents?
"At first they thought it was a horrible idea," he said. "They think it is a joke. But they're growing on it."
So, it's not a joke?
"Well, it was at first. But then I looked at the people running, and they don't have any more experience than I do," Lombard said. "I might be able to do some good."
On his website, Lombard says that years of playing Sim City, a computer game that allows the player to build a make-believe city, has given him a good idea of how one should run. "I admit I've never managed a real city," he said.
I told him that prior to being elected, Mayor R.T. Rybak had never managed a city, either.
"That's a good point," said Lombard, who added that his lack of experience also means he is not corrupt. And because he's single, "I can't get into any issues with Argentine reporters," he said.
. . .
Yet, Lombard's decision to think globally and act and run for office locally didn't win over his girlfriend, who was more concerned with cultural domination of the ruling elite.
"She dumped me," he said with sigh. "She said I didn't care enough about hegemony."
There's more at the link.
Intrigued by the mention of the 'Edgertonite Party' in the article cited above, I looked it up. On the party's Web site, we find this mission statement:
The Edgertonite National Party exists to secure political independence for the people of the Midwestern United States and a homeland for the Lauraist religion. We use the term “Nation of Edgerton” to describe the area within a 240-mile radius of Minneapolis, Minnesota. We are a non-traditional Communist party, based on the ideology of Lauraism: the belief that Laura Ingalls Wilder is God, Communism (public ownership of business) is the best form of government, age of consent laws should be repealed, public transit should be returned to the routes, fares, and schedules of 18 September 1970, the Nation of Edgerton should secede from the United States as a Lauraist homeland, and all people, including children, deserve as much personal liberty as possible consistent with public safety and the rights of others. Capitalism is a per se violation of people’s rights by exploitation.
There's lots more at the Web site, if you really want to read it . . . although I can't say I recommend it. Furthermore, retired chaplain and pastor though I may be, I somehow can't see myself officiating at 'Lauraist' services!
Finally, the inestimable Dave Barry pointed me to the tie-breaker in an election for the city council of Crested Butte in Colorado.
Mason and Wilson had both garnered 317 votes in the November 3 council race. That tied them for third place. With four seats open and the fourth place finisher getting a two-year term instead of a four-year term, a recount was triggered at the county. The results did not change, with both tallying 317 votes.
Under state law, the tie must be broken by “lot.” In most towns, a coin is flipped or a card is drawn from a deck of cards.
But this is Crested Butte.
“Roland came up with the idea and it was a lot of fun,” explained Wilson.
When Mason was in college, he and his roommates grew bored with Rock-Paper-Scissors. “So we started doing Ninja-Bear-Cowboy. We’d line up back to back, take three paces and turn and pose like in the Old West,” he said. “We did it to see who got the best bedroom.”
Wilson was ready to try something other than flipping a coin. “It was good because we didn’t know each other very well. If [Mason] knew me better, he’d know I don’t like guns and so would never be a cowboy. I am a bear-ninja inside.”
So at 11:35 a.m. on November 20 in the upstairs hallway of Town Hall, Mason and Wilson stood back to back and began the showdown.
The two agreed to the following rules: It would take two out of three victories to win.
Ninja disarms Cowboy.
Bear mauls Ninja.
And Cowboy shoots Bear.
“It was pretty fun doing it with Phoebe,” Mason said. “Phoebe and I were cracking up and we had probably 10 people watching, wondering what the heck was going on. We wanted to add a little lightness with all the stuff going on right now. Maybe the pro and anti-Snodgrass people could do it and get on with it.”
According to the witnessed affidavit submitted by Hughes, on the count of three, each candidate would turn around and assume one of the positions.
The official document describes the following:
“Round One: Mason bear; Wilson bear: outcome—tie.
“Round Two: Mason cowboy; Wilson bear: outcome—Mason wins.
“Round Three: Mason bear; Wilson ninja: outcome—Mason wins.
“Final outcome: Mason wins a four-year seat. Wilson gets a two year seat.”
The official document will be filed in the Crested Butte Town Hall for a future town clerk to discover and eventually ponder.
“We like to single ourselves out a little bit,” admitted Hughes. “It’s extreme Rock-Paper-Scissors and it worked.”
There's more at the link.
I like the sound of Crested Butte's electoral system. Wonder if we could have a re-match for POTUS between the current incumbent and Sarah Palin, using that system?
Peter
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