Giving, and the mentality of giving

 

A few days ago I asked readers to support two friends, James and Tirzah Burns, as James struggles with very serious illness.  Thank you to all who responded.

One respondent, Boron, said this in a comment.

It tears at my heart not to be able to be as free with my money (provide to those in need) as I had been was while I was workng.

Whatever money I've put away; we need it most now that I'm retired with disabilities.

The pennies that have fallen through the cracks we use to provide the little extras for our children, particularly in these times.

The remainder we're putting aside for our grandchildren's education.

It is all the more painful for me as a Jew aware of my obligations: tzedakah and more particularly, gemilut chasadim.

The more important question of course, invades my conscience: "Do I take the crumbs from my childrens' mouths to feed a stranger?"

I often wonder what will be my answer to Him.

I've had some long discussions with friends and acquaintances about giving to others;  when it is (or perhaps is not) appropriate, how much one can/should give in relation to what one has or earns, deciding who or what causes deserve our contribution and which do not, and all that sort of thing.  It's been interesting to develop a way of looking at giving that isn't bound to any one religious faith or secular philosophy, but rather to the simple fact of living as a human being.  Here's how I look at it.

I begin by acknowledging the many times I've needed help - and not only economically, either:  emotional support, advice, encouragement, all are "help".  From there, it follows logically that if I have needed help, I should be prepared to offer help to those who need it, because they are human beings, too.  The nature, kind and amount of that help are, of course, open to discussion.  For example, I won't help an alcoholic or drug addict buy more of the poisons that feed their addiction, and I won't give them money to buy those things for themselves.  I will, however, buy them food, and help them get to a place where they can get the physical, mental and spiritual help they need to change their lives (e.g. the Salvation Army).

There are those who object that by refusing to help them do what they want to do, I'm in effect judging them, forcing them into moral or ethical compartments with which they might not agree.  I guess that's right - but by not exercising judgment, by helping them continue with their self-destructive behavior, I would be contributing to the inevitable end of such moral laissez-faire:  their demise.  I won't accept such co-responsibility;  I can't, due to my own moral code.  If that doesn't satisfy some critics, well, I'm sorry about that.  They can help in whatever way seems good to them, and I'll do likewise.

What worries me more than such questions is the number of people today who seem to regard it as a weakness to support anyone.  What's theirs is theirs, and they don't see why they should share it, particularly if they might have to delay or postpone something they want in order to spend their money, or time, or talents on someone else's need.  The concept of giving as a duty, as a way of life, seems foreign to them.  That stands in stark contrast to the unknown sage who said:

“I expect to pass through this world but once. If, therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing that I can do, to any fellow human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it; for I will not pass this way again.”

All those points, of course, can be made irrespective of any religious background.  To a Christian, the Bible is filled with admonitions and encouragements to give what one has to help those who have not, and to support one another in the trials and tribulations of life.  Many regard those obligations as fulfilled by contributing to the collection in church on Sunday.  Fortunately, many more go further than that.

My own personal approach to giving starts by thanking God for the many blessings I've been given, some without requests to others, others as a result of asking for help (the most recent example of which being my bleg for help with medical bills last month).  That leads to a direct corollary:  if I hope and expect to receive help when I need it, I must be ready and willing to offer help when others need it.  It's like two halves of the same coin.  I may not be able to offer as much as another person needs, or the precise form of help they need, but I'll get as close to it as I can.  My wife and I don't "tithe" as such;  we rather say that our money is there to meet our needs and those that the good Lord puts in our path.  Some months we may give very little to others.  Other months we may donate a lot more than a tithe.  It all depends what needs present themselves, whether or not we feel led to respond, and our current ability to do so.  However, it's a fundamental rule for us that we should always be willing to respond as best we can.  If we try to hold on to everything we have, why should we expect others to be any different?

It's also true, of course, that we can't possibly meet most of the needs around us.  We're not rich, and are unlikely ever to be so.  Therefore, we donate according to what is practical and possible for us, and trust the good Lord to make up that which we cannot.

A final thought.  I think we would all do well to develop a "mindset of giving".  This is where we look around us, at people and activities close to us, and ask how we can contribute.  There may be nobody needing help with hospital bills, or trying to rebuild their home after a fire;  but our local small-town library may need funds raised, or our old folks' center wants money to upgrade their facility.  A few dollars from enough people can help them a lot.  If we actively look to pick just one project or need each month, and support it with a few dollars or a couple of hours of work, that's a start.  It puts us in the right mind-set to recognize larger needs when they arrive, and be willing to consider helping to meet them.  We don't just dismiss them out of hand, or casually disregard them.  If we all did that, I think a lot more of us would be willing to help out in all sorts of ways that we currently don't think about.

Hope I didn't bore you with this diversion into the weeds.  I just thought Boron's point, and similar comments made by a couple of other readers, deserved further attention.  I'll be interested to read your own perspective(s) in Comments.

Peter