The perfect candidate?

 

With the November elections less than three months away, we're already finding Cthhulhu 2024 merchandise on Amazon.  Example:

However, that's still too tame for some.  How about a really evil candidate?

I am following my conservative principles and supporting a leader with a real vision for Gondor: the Lord of Barad-dûr, the Lord of Angband, Gorthaur, known to the electorate as Sauron the Great.

Many of my friends will reproach me for this. I respect their views, even though they are wrong. But my principles allow me no other course, and I think a majority of Gondorians will feel the same come the time for decision. We are the children of Numenor — we hear that again and again from MGGA — but who truly brings us back to Numenor and its values? Is it the directionless Stewards? The absent kings? Or will it be the One who served directly under Ar-Pharazôn himself in Numenor’s Golden Age? Character matters: record matters too, and Sauron has one.

Or consider the pressing matters of national defense. The Stewards have lost Minas Ithil and struggle to hold the ruins of once-great Osgiliath. (I served there, if I haven’t mentioned that before.) Meanwhile, Sauron builds a strong and effective national defense, and promises to do the same for Gondor. The numbers tell the tale — respect for empiricism being a core conservative principle — and so we have to note that whereas Gondor has suffered several hundred Orc attacks in the past year alone, Sauron’s Mordor has suffered none. Who then is the real law-and-order conservative?

Finally, because real conservatives value diversity, we have to look at the contrasting records of the Stewards and Sauron there as well. Denethor presides over a realm of dreary uniformity, all Men, and white Men at that. Meanwhile, Sauron has shown that a strong and vigorous realm is possible with a rainbow coalition of diversity. Mordor has Men, to be sure, but it is not just the sort of Men we have in Gondor. There are also the Men of the southern Corsairs, living in common purpose with standard Orcs, Orcs of the Uruk-Hai, Goblins, Trolls, Fell Beasts, Balrogs, ancient spider beings, and more.

. . .

Years ago, the famous Last King Isildur told us it was a time for choosing. This season, I, the last true conservative of Gondor, in the spirit of Isildur’s own choice, choose the Servant of Morgoth.

There's more at the link.

I wonder what an electoral - or other - contest between Sauron and Cthhulhu would resemble?  And who would win?  And would President Trump ride to the rescue and destroy both of them with his devastating orange man personality?

Peter