Today's award goes to a
A 70-year-old Canberra man came to an extraordinarily painful fork in the road when he presented to Canberra Hospital's Emergency Department with a 10cm [almost 4"] fork lodged in his penis.
The steel cutlery item was inserted into his urethra for his sexual gratification, a write-up in the International Journal of Surgery Case Reports said.
It remains uncertain how the gentleman thought that could be achieved.
The fork was not visible from the outside but doctors were able to feel it.
There's more at the link, including a rather graphic X-ray image of the fork and organ in question.
I guess he was well and truly forked! Perhaps he was worried about his organ's size . . . after all, it's now indisputably tine-y!