Readers of my regular 'Around The Blogs' feature may recall that in March, I posted this:
Another longstanding blogging buddy, Matt G., links to a very sad and moving article by a blogger who's dying of cancer. She describes what it feels like to arrange her own funeral, and the weirdness of feeling the disease growing inside her. Powerful stuff, and very worthwhile reading. Please don't forget to say a prayer for her, too, and for the husband and young children she's preparing to leave behind. May God grant them all mercy and peace.
The lady in question was Allyson Hendrickson. She died last week. In a final blog post, she said:
Monster [her cancer] marches on. Although my pain is well-managed, it has been necessary to take extra measures lately to ensure that that continues. I recently switched from oral meds to a pain pump. Were you to ever see me, you would notice the giant needle that is stabbed in my chest, or you might widen your eyes at the iv tubing that is attached to me, which must be carried everywhere I go. Everywhere. There's no question that the pump is the better option...I was taking as many as 30 pills each day. Still, it is cumbersome and only so much tubing will stay put in the cute Vera Bradley bag I tote around.
All that medicine is making me do weird things. Example: I had a dream where I was quite insistent that Princess Lovely come for tea. This was overheard by my mother, who is still giggling about it. Princess Lovely--ha! I also have had several instances where my hands will move while I'm sleeping. A few nights ago I tried to feed myself some imaginary yogurt with an imaginary spoon, only to wake up and find that things were just as I had left them when my eyes were closed. There was no spoon, no yogurt--just bedsheets. Bummer.
You might be wondering how my three little cowboys are holding up. Truth be told, I'm kind of wondering the same thing. It is like pulling teeth to get them to talk about it, and when we begin to scratch the surface, I get so nervous! What I do know for sure is that they are frightened and insecure--even though we are trying so hard to make it okay for them. Three individual little people = three individual needs. The hurt is huge. At times, it feels insurmountable. I have some guilt, because when this is all said and done, I get to be the lucky one. They have to stay here and learn to live without their mom. Some days seem good, and other days are very emotional and difficult. You would not waste a prayer on my three precious boys.
There's more at the link.
After she died, her family posted this on her blog:
As most of you know, our daughter Allyson Hendrickson went to be with her Lord on Friday, July 11. We are so thankful to know that her dwelling place is with Him forever. But the truth is that He was her dwelling place here on earth as well. In every part of her life--the joys, the sorrows, the certainties, the confusion, the laughter, the tears--her faith in God's goodness remained strong. He was and is her constant.
Many people came to love our Allyson through this blog. You enriched her life, and for that we are so grateful.
Again, more at the link.
Please say a prayer for her three sons, who are still very young and will have to learn to adjust to life without their mom; and for her husband, who now finds himself alone under the most difficult of circumstances; and for their parents, families and friends, who have to adjust to their loss and continue with the business of living. It's never easy.