The idle musings of a former military man, former computer geek, medically retired pastor and now full-time writer. Contents guaranteed to offend the politically correct and anal-retentive from time to time. My approach to life is that it should be taken with a large helping of laughter, and sufficient firepower to keep it tamed!
Tuesday, November 13, 2018
For D&D fans
Found on Gab this morning, "the most useful spell in a magic-user's arsenal" (clickit to biggit):
But . . . but . . . what about Labradors? Or Golden Retrievers?
... Labradors or Golden Retrievers ... or Pugs. I actually saw a mob of pugs at a meeting of a regional Pug Dog club. More than fifty pugs that did not know each other loose in an enclosure without a single fight
Golden Retrievers? Roll a saving throw against spell again, -5 for 'doggie!' effect. If the throw fails, there is a 35% chance that you have triggered the Cute-pocalypse, and the world will end in a mass of tennis balls, Frisbees, and chew toys. Roll carefully on D100. :)
Having hung out with Corgi owners, well, they aren't the brain-dead idiots people think they are. They are herding animals, so, unlike Cocker Spaniels (which would cause the area to be immediately covered by cocker-pee) the area would suddenly be covered by very intent and serious low-riding dogs.
Do not summon Pekingese. Small, cute, and cuddly (when properly introduced) they're totally fearless and will attack anything that they think may threatens their turf. Our little fluff ball once tried to take on two (yes two) Russian Wolfhounds, only a flying dive by the owner of the Wolfhounds, and Dad reeling in our Peke like a hooked marlin avoided bloodshed, and no, the battle would not have been one-sided.
The real menace would be to summon ten thousand Jack Russell Terrorists... Errr... Terriers. Yeah, terriers...
Do that, and assuming that anything in the immediate area survives the onslaught, you'll probably have to answer to whatever local authorities are left, who will not be at all happy with you.
Corgis are cool little dogs, hard workers, and relatively sane. Relatively. Jack Russell's, though? Good 'effing luck, on that... With no rodents to go after, they'll find some other prey, and who knows what that might be? I can picture the aftermath of such a summoning, and it would likely terrify a god or demon.
9 comments:
... Labradors or Golden Retrievers ... or Pugs. I actually saw a mob of pugs at a meeting of a regional Pug Dog club. More than fifty pugs that did not know each other loose in an enclosure without a single fight
Golden Retrievers? Roll a saving throw against spell again, -5 for 'doggie!' effect. If the throw fails, there is a 35% chance that you have triggered the Cute-pocalypse, and the world will end in a mass of tennis balls, Frisbees, and chew toys. Roll carefully on D100. :)
I'm pretty sure that any dog taller than knee-high woudl have combat stats and be able to make attacks.
...even if only by whipping their tails against the combatants' shins. (1d2 damage, -1 to move speed per successful strike).
Having hung out with Corgi owners, well, they aren't the brain-dead idiots people think they are. They are herding animals, so, unlike Cocker Spaniels (which would cause the area to be immediately covered by cocker-pee) the area would suddenly be covered by very intent and serious low-riding dogs.
Now do one with a random number of cats...
"Now do one with a random number of cats"
(rolls dice)
Do not summon Pekingese. Small, cute, and cuddly (when properly introduced) they're totally fearless and will attack anything that they think may threatens their turf. Our little fluff ball once tried to take on two (yes two) Russian Wolfhounds, only a flying dive by the owner of the Wolfhounds, and Dad reeling in our Peke like a hooked marlin avoided bloodshed, and no, the battle would not have been one-sided.
1,000 chihuaha's of evil!
My horde of halfling barbarians ride to battle on Dire Corgis.
The real menace would be to summon ten thousand Jack Russell Terrorists... Errr... Terriers. Yeah, terriers...
Do that, and assuming that anything in the immediate area survives the onslaught, you'll probably have to answer to whatever local authorities are left, who will not be at all happy with you.
Corgis are cool little dogs, hard workers, and relatively sane. Relatively. Jack Russell's, though? Good 'effing luck, on that... With no rodents to go after, they'll find some other prey, and who knows what that might be? I can picture the aftermath of such a summoning, and it would likely terrify a god or demon.
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