Who decided that these . . . monstrosities . . . belonged on people's feet? As GQ Magazine put it, "These are not shoes—they’re shooze."
They're said to resemble shoes, and even (allegedly) perform some of the same functions, but I can't look at them without shuddering. It's as if your feet picked up a severe case of Yeti athlete's foot, or Bigfoot blobfeet, or Stay-Puft swellsoles, or something!
I can't imagine driving while wearing them. Look at the width of those swollen soles! How would you be able to depress one pedal without pressing the one next to it at the same time?
On the other hand, I daresay the cops will love them. Chasing someone who's wearing shoes so bulky he's bound to trip over them will make their lives much easier! As for following the footprints - perfect fashion for the 'hood, guys. Perfect. Anywhere else . . . not so much.
Peter
7 comments:
Only "hood guys" as you so aptly call them would find these things "fashionable". Deranged Mickey Mouse boots we used to wear in the Arctic are more fashionable than these POS's.
Just how well do they distribute the wearer's weight? Would they be good on sand? In a minefield?
Has anyone tried running across water while wearing them?
Do they come with a red nose and a squirting flower? Because they should.
Clown shoes! DEMENTED Clown shoes! Party Gifts!! (If you're willing to pay the price...)
Point-and-LAUGH-at shoes!
Gary Larson need to update "How Nature says, 'Do not touch'" to incorporate these.
The true test: will crackheads steal them?
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