Monday, April 21, 2008

Great chicken-flavored bubbles, Batman!


Now and again I come across a product that makes me scratch my head and ask, "What was the inventor smoking?"

The Fetch A Bubble Machine is one such invention.




From the marketing blurb:

Although rabid dogs in this country are rare, it is always worth being prepared. Then, if you should stumble across an afflicted animal, you won't have to rely on throwing a stick as a means of distraction (which, you might like to know, won't work). Instead, we recommend the Fetch a Bubble Machine. Research shows dogs will spend hours chasing bubbles - indeed, the Fetch a Bubble Machine was developed after the brains behind it saw a TV series on canine behaviour proving this very point.

The Fetch a Bubble Machine works like this: as you can see, the machine's bubble wands rotate through a full 13 revolutions, firing off a frenzy of bubbles - up to one thousand per minute. Better still, the bubbles are chicken-scented. Which means they are dog magnets. Ergo, should you need to distract a rabid dog - or an overexcited domestic pooch - simply switch the machine on, pour in the solution, and swiftly make your escape.


Y'know, I've met a few rabid critters in my time. As I recall, they share a few characteristics. There's also Murphy's Law to take into account. Consider:

  1. Once rabid animals have fixed on you as a target, they aren't easily distracted.
  2. They aren't likely to give you time to read the instructions, much less carry them out.
  3. I guarantee its battery will be dead just when you need your Fetch A Bubble Machine in the worst possible way.
  4. When you bend down to put your Fetch A Bubble Machine on the ground, you're simultaneously making yourself a lower, more easily accessible target for them.
  5. They're so busy blowing bubbles of their own that they're unlikely to notice an alternative source.
  6. They don't want to eat bubbles: they want to rend, dismember and destroy.
  7. When they discover that you're offering them chicken-scented empty air rather than raw, bloody meat, they're going to be Very Annoyed with you.

Somehow I just don't see this working!

Peter

5 comments:

phlegmfatale said...

my dog would knock it over and lap up the chickeny goodness.

Alison said...

My friend says her dog would love it! Never mind rabid dogs... this would make a great pet toy!

Anonymous said...

Location: Office of the President of Bubble Machine, Inc.

President: "Johnson, you're fired. I expect you to work the remainder of the day. Until quitting time, you will work on creating a marketing blurb for our newest product, the Fetch a Bubble Machine."

Johnson: "Ok."

Anonymous said...

It's out of stock on the website, but scroll down to another product they offer -- the Humunga Tongue:
"Should you come face to face with a mean, snarling dog take the Humunga tongue in hand and throw it as high and far as you can. The dog will be driven to chase the Humunga Tongue because of its bright colour and odd shape. Once it lands, he will pick up the soft rubber ball part of the device, leaving the Humunga Tongue itself dangling from his mouth. The result: the mean dog is instantly transformed into a canine that you simply cannot take seriously. Your fear is abated and you can exit swiftly holding your sides for fear that they might split."
I was wondering if you'd be holding your sides to keep your intestines in place after the dog ripped your guts out?

geekWithA.45 said...

We actually *have* that bubble machine.

When we bought it, it wasn't advertised in those goofy terms, it was green and purple, rather than that ugly shade of yellow, and the bubbles it came with were plain, not chicken flavored.

The thing actually generates a boatload of bubbles, and both our dogs immediately went completely mental. :)