I enjoy satirical news articles, poking fun at the shibboleths of modern living. Unfortunately, sometimes the satire is very near the bone.
In a move to make purchasing congresspeople easier and faster for lobbyists, Congress voted to approve a new measure that calls for congresspeople to wear barcodes on their foreheads so lobbyists, activists, and corporations can simply scan them and self-checkout.
Self-checkout machines will be installed at all exits of the Capitol Building, so once they've added congresspeople to their cart, lobbyists can pay right on the way out.
"Purchasing congresspeople used to be a time-consuming, expensive process," said a Planned Parenthood representative. "Now, we can simply walk through Congress, scan all the congresspeople that are for sale, and checkout without having to interact with any humans."
There's more at the link.
Given the amounts invested in lobbying, "contributions to re-election campaigns" and other kickbacks, bar-codes on Congressional representatives and senators probably aren't that much of a stretch. Next step: buying them online on Amazon.com, with overnight Prime delivery of what you've paid them for!