Tuesday, June 7, 2022

Doofus Of The Day #1,093

 

Today's award goes to a (very) distracted driver in (where else?) Florida.


A Florida driver nearly had his penis bitten off by a woman giving him oral sex after he 'lost control' of his car in a head-on collision.

Fort Lauderdale Fire Rescue responded to an accident on North Ocean Boulevard and 19th Street on Thursday after the unidentified man crashed his vehicle into a FedEx van, according to The Star.

Authorities told Local 10 News that the man 'lost control' of the vehicle around 7pm after becoming distracted by his girlfriend's sexual acts.

The couple was found half-naked in their SUV and can be seen in photos laying on the ground.

. . .

The man appears to be in pain as officers gather around him while he laid on his back. The woman, who had her jeans around her ankles, laid face down on the pavement in nothing but her underwear and a white tank top. 

The driver sustained injuries in his groin area, but otherwise was fine. The woman was said to have sustain mild injuries on impact, according to The Star.

So far, no one has been charged in the accident and police have not released names.


There's more at the link, including photographs.

"Injuries to his groin area", eh?  Toothmarks on the old Twinkie, perhaps?  Perhaps denture fixative might speed up his healing?

That'll teach him to try sex "al dente" . . .



Peter


14 comments:

Don Curton said...

The World according to Garp?

Skyler the Weird said...

She bit off more than she could chew.

bultaco1495 said...

This is disgusting.  Why put something like this on this website?  First, a preaching, to regular readers of this website, but maybe hopefully also to those less inclined toward all things Christian, about what it means to be one.  Ending no less with an admonishment, stating, "By their fruits you will know them.".  Yet not 24 hours later, up is posted this sickening post about crass sex and near castration.

In other words, if you are interested in Christianity, you should consider it; after all, it is just fire insurance, so that when you die, you don't go to hell; after your decision is made, you can just do as you please, live life as you think best, and it's your judgement as to what's well, grinning, not too bad; don't worry it's, "covered".

Consider yourself exhorted (elder). You can do better. You have.

Feral Ferret said...

Remember the movie "Thinner"? Similar premise in the opening scene, except the driver hit a pedestrian, not a FedEx van.

NobobyExpects said...

bultaco1945, go and open your own blog.

Of course, as there are gazillions of similar sources of SJW drivel, you will have little audience.

I know of Bultaco bikes, BTW.

Peter said...

@bultaco1945: Clearly, you've never seen Jewish humor in full flight over the more fleshly aspects of life. There's a lot to laugh at, and I don't think a belly-laugh at someone else's stupidity is out of place. Emulating them, on the other hand . . .

Peteforester said...

Didn't this happen in "The World According To Garp" when Garp's wife was "servicing" her guy on the side in the driveway when Garp coasted into the driveway with his kids as he was wont to do?...

Paul, Dammit! said...

*Hums the Oscar Meyer theme song*

Hunting Guy said...

Well, at least he didn’t go full on John Wayne Bobbitt.

red 3215 said...

"Coming and Going Don't Mix".
Wise old saying

Old NFO said...

Sigh... Sadly this is NOT that unusual... Other than they both survived.

lemmiwinks said...

Nobody likes a puritan.

Robin Datta said...

Love at first bite: with ketchup, mustad, relish and chopped onion. Have 'em shipped FedEx. With cutting board and knife to chop the onion.

Reminds one of Lewinsky's syndrome: inability to swallow. That was Jewish. On the other hand no problem with swallows and San Juan Capistrano.

Maniac said...

Boo-hoo, bultaco.

And it's too bad he wasn't castrated - morons shouldn't breed.