A Presidential platform with something for everyone?

 

Fred Reed selflessly (and with tongue firmly in cheek) offers himself as a candidate for the 2024 Presidential election.  His platform might have something to satisfy everyone, here and there.  Some examples:

• I will arrest all politicians who appear on television in front of the American flag. I have nothing against the flag. I just don’t think it should be used as an advertising gimmick by useless pols seeking support for their next felony.
• Looting being serious during natural disasters, I will remedy this by four words, “Looters will be shot.” It is a known fact that shot looters substantially reduce their looting. I may also start twelve-step programs for survivors. Since our cities now amount to natural disasters, the same formula will apply to urban looters, such as smash-and-grab artists.
• In hopes of saving some small portion of national treasure for the benefit of Americans, I will have the management of arms firms wrapped in duct tape and dropped down abandoned oil wells. If this doesn’t work, I may take extreme measures. In the meantime I will ask Kiev for a loan of a hundred billion dollars, pledging California as collateral. American infrastructure increasingly looks like something out of the 1840s.  With a hundred billion, I could bring the US to the level of China in 1990.
• I will designate the American rail system in its entirety as a national museum, which would require only the placing of signs. This would prevent embarrassment in the eyes of foreigners who might think us actually at such a level.
• I will put a bounty on congressmen, with no bag limit. I may supply patriots with rental duck guns to further this meritorious measure. No citizen should be deprived of the pleasure of shooting his Congressman simply for lack of suitable armament. With a good catapult, they might make serviceable skeet. The scoundrels do nothing for the country and make too much noise.
• I will require that teachers be able to read. This may be thought excessive and unusual, but it is worth a try. For the greater good of the country,I will have teachers colleges filled with linoleum cement with the future miscreants inside. This will  raise the national IQ by at least three points.

There's more at the link.

Based on the spectacular idiocy we saw and heard at the recent national conference of the NEA, I think the last point above holds real promise.  I suggest the entire leadership cadre of the NEA be accommodated in the first teachers college to be dealt with in that fashion.

Peter