Friday, September 12, 2008

More information than I needed!

In a comment to my post about facial cream containing synthetic snake venom, Betty advised me to search 'nightingale poop facial' and see what turned up.

I did. Oh, the horror! My life may never be the same again!

It seems that dried nightingale poop is a staple ingredient of the well-equipped geisha's make-up kit. According to one supplier:

Japanese Traditional Beauty Secret ultra violet light treated Nightingale droppings "UGUISU NO FUN" are completely free of bacteria. They have been used for Kabuki actor & Geisha's make-up cleansing for centuries in Japan and contain a natural enzyme (guanine, an amino acid w/ anmonic bleaching qualities) which has a natural lightening action.

Er . . . OK, I'll take their word about that.

It seems that this geisha facial treatment has spread to the USA as well. According to a news report, a New York spa is offering it to customers for a mere $180 (add 20% if you want the proprietress to apply it in person). Reports from customers seem to indicate that they're happy . . . but I'm not so sure. I mean, if you've just blown an average family's weekly food budget on a bird poop facial, and you know your significant other and/or family and/or friends might be reading about it, wouldn't you claim it was the best thing since sliced bread?

The video clip below shows an intrepid reporter undergoing this ordeal - strictly in the interests of journalistic integrity and inquiry, of course.

Intrigued by this daftness, I investigated further. It seems there are a bunch of wacky, way-out beauty treatments available. Television program 'The View' investigated some of them (including nightingale poop), as shown in the next video clip. I think the beer treatment holds most promise - as demonstrated by the victim object of the demonstration!

A New York Post reporter adds a few more ingredients to the list of 'things I never suspected women used on their faces':

Ever since ancient Egyptians mixed unguents of bile of steer, ostrich eggs and resin, people have slathered on everything from the odd to the oogy. Plenty of other unusual ingredients - in addition to avian excrement - are thought to have beautifying properties.

Snake venom: From face creams to lip products, beauty companies swear the stuff reduces wrinkles and has a plumping effect.

Kitty litter: The grainy texture works as an exfoliator. Yeah, yeah - just put the idea away for when the recession really hits.

Placenta: Dogs eat it. Hospitals save it. And some women use it to soften their hair and skin.

24K gold: The shiny precious metal might help increase circulation and tighten skin.


Well, dear readers, allow me to assure you of this. If a lady woman idiot companion should ever inform me that she's prepared herself for our grand occasion with the aid of nightingale poop, snake venom, kitty litter and placenta, I won't give a damn how much 24-karat gold she's wearing. The thought of touching - let alone kissing - that combination is just too ghastly to contemplate. I'll go out with someone else!



Epijunky said...

I vote for the Chocolate and the Beer facials. That's something I can deal with and would probably enjoy.

Bird poop? Even if it "smells like dough"? Yeah, I'll pass, thanks.

Anonymous said...

Another doubtful beauty treatment: arsenic. Used to be big, especially during the 18th/19th centuries, as a skin bleaching agent, back when all ladies' goal was near-paperwhite skin. Yep, they'd go down to the beauty parlor and get smeared with an arsenic paste....

I understand that in areas without beauty parlors, the usual method of getting some arsenic was to buy some flystrips: just soak it off and smear it on! (Also useful for taking care of the occasional husband, which is why arsenic --- and poisons in general! --- have such a reputation as "women's weapons".)

Anonymous said...

Actually, one ate small amounts of arsenic. Topical applications were used, but eating it had "better effects." In small doses, of course! Much like was used on horses (a country name for arsenic was/is knife blade medicine, because that's how the does was measured.). As long as one didn't loose weight, it was, no OK, but less hazardous, since arsenic is fat soluble.
I'll stick with sunscreen and wearing a hat, thanks!