So much for the Apocalypse

I've been following the latest apocalyptic predictions about the CERN Large Hadron Collider with some amusement. Other, more scientific voices than mine have more than adequately debunked such theories, but they're still amusing.

Of course, apocalyptic predictions are nothing new. I've recently discovered a most entertaining Web site, A Brief History Of The Apocalypse, which gathers such predictions from all over the place and lists them for our edification.

A very brief sampling, out of hundreds of entries:

• circa 2800 BC: According to Isaac Asimov's Book of Facts (1979), an Assyrian clay tablet dating to approximately 2800 BC was unearthed bearing the words "Our earth is degenerate in these latter days. There are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end. Bribery and corruption are common." This is one of the earliest examples of the perception of moral decay in society being interpreted as a sign of the imminent end.
• Apr 6, 793: Elipandus, bishop of Toledo, described a brief bout of end-time panic that happened on Easter Eve, 793. According to Elipandus, the Spanish monk Beatus of Liébana prophesied the end of the world that day in the presence a crowd of people. The people, thinking that the world would end that night, became frightened, panicked, and fasted through the night until dawn. Seeing that the world had not ended and feeling hungry, Hordonius, one of the fasters, quipped, "Let's eat and drink, so that if we die at least we'll be fed."
• Feb 1, 1524: The End would occur by a flood starting in London on February 1 (Julian), according to calculations some London astrologers made the previous June. Around 20,000 people abandoned their homes, and a clergyman stockpiled food and water in a fortress he built. (Sound familiar? It's just like the doomsday cultists and Y2K nuts of today!) As it happened, it didn't even rain in London on that date.
• 1648: Using the kabbalah, Sabbatai Zevi, a rabbi from Smyrna, Turkey, figured that the Messiah would come in 1648, accompanied by miracles. The Messiah, of course, would be Zevi himself! He then recalculated the coming of the Messiah to 1666. Despite his failed prophecies, he had accumulated a great many followers. He was later arrested for stirring up trouble, and given the choice of converting to Islam or execution. Pragmatic man that he was, he wisely elected for the former.
• 1666: As this date is 1000 (millennium) + 666 (number of the Beast) and followed a period of war and strife in England, many Londoners feared that 1666 would be the end of the world. The Great Fire of London in 1666 did not help to alleviate these fears.
• Fall 1694: Drawing from theology and astrology, German prophet Johann Jacob Zimmerman determined that the world would end in the fall of 1694. Zimmerman gathered a group of pilgrims and made plans to go to America to welcome Jesus back to Earth. However, he died in February of that year, on the very day of departure. Johannes Kelpius took over leadership of the cult, which was known as Woman in the Wilderness, and they completed their journey to the New World. Fall came and went and, needless to say, the cultists were profoundly disappointed at having traveled all the way across the Atlantic just to be stood up by Jesus.
• Apr 5, 1761: Religious extremist William Bell claimed the world would be destroyed by earthquake on this day. Since there had been an earthquake on February 8 and another on March 8, he reasoned that the world must end in another 28 days' time! Again, Londoners gathered in boats on the Thames or headed for the hills. When his prediction didn't come true, he was promptly thrown into Bedlam, London's notorious nuthouse.
• May 18, 1910: Many people believed the arrival of Halley's Comet would spell the end of the world. Some thought that cyanide gas from the comet's tail would poison the Earth's atmosphere. In Germany, one could buy postcards depicting apocalyptic scenes bearing the caption, "End of the World on May 18". Con artists took advantage of people's fears by selling "comet pills" to make people immune to the toxins . . . or so they claimed.
• Apr 29, 1987: Leland Jensen of the Bahá'ís Under the Provisions of the Covenant predicted that Halley's Comet would be pulled into Earth's orbit on April 29, 1986, and chunks of the comet would pelt the Earth for a year. The gravitational force of the comet would cause great earthquakes, and on April 29, 1987, the comet itself would crash into the Earth wreaking widespread destruction. When the prophecies failed, Jensen rationalized the failure as follows: "A spiritual stone hit the earth."
• Nov 27, 1997: According to the Sacerdotal Knights of National Security, "A space alien captured at a UFO landing site in eastern Missouri cracked under interrogation by the CIA and admitted that an extraterrestrial army will attack Earth on November 27 with the express purpose of stripping our planet of every natural resource they can find a use for -- and making slaves of every man, woman and child in the world!"
• Jan 1, 2000: Jesus did not descend from the heavens. President Clinton did not declare himself dictator-for-life. The Antichrist did not rise to power. Nuclear missiles were not launched. Aircraft did not fall out of the sky. The global economy did not collapse. Terrorist bombs did not explode. The power did not go out. My computer still works. What we did have were some huge parties, spectacular fireworks displays, a Barry Manilow concert, head-splitting hangovers, lots of confetti to clean up, and some embarrassed survivalists who had spent their New Years holed up in armed fortresses when they could have been partying in Times Square.
• Early 21st Century: Legend has it that, in 1143, St. Malachy prophesied that there would only be 112 more popes left before the end of the world. Pope Benedict is the 111th, which means that the world will end in the early 21st century. According to Malachy, the last pope will be named Peter of Rome. Time will tell.
• Dec 23, 2012: The world to end, according to the ancient Mayan calendar.
• circa 4,500,000,000 AD: The sun will swell into a red giant star, swallowing Mercury, Venus, Earth, and perhaps Mars. This will be the true end of the world!

Great fun! The whole site is worth reading for entertainment value alone.

Peter