Today's award goes to a woman in New Zealand.
A 64-year-old woman in New Zealand mistook a tube of superglue for her coldsore cream and glued her lips together.
. . .
She said that while fumbling for the cream in the middle of the night, she unwittingly happened upon the powerful adhesive and rubbed it on her lips, awaiting the soothing relief of a coldsore remedy.
. . .
Realising what had happened, she said she dialled the emergency services, but her mouth was glued shut.
"I couldn’t speak on the phone so I couldn’t tell them where I lived, I couldn’t tell them my phone number," she said.
"The communication was 'Do you live in Dunedin?' and I grunted 'mmm', and then the lady went through all the suburbs and then all the streets. She was very, very patient.
“I had to tap on the phone, one tap for no and two taps for yes, and then it took a long time to narrow down the streets and then all the numbers too."
There's more at the link.
Hey, look on the bright side. At least she didn't kiss anyone while the stuff was hardening!