Tuesday, May 12, 2020

The Babylon Bee hits one out of the park


I had to laugh out loud when I read this satirical, snarky "report".

Clever Texans have implemented a new strategy to stop Californians from fleeing their terrible state and ruining Texas with the same policies. Sneaking up to Oklahoma in the middle of the night, brave defenders of the Lone Star State installed "Welcome to Texas" signs atop the "Welcome to Oklahoma" signs surrounding Texas's neighbor.

Californians, whose minds have been slowed from years of marijuana, sushi, and the patchouli of hippies, won't be smart enough to notice the difference and will settle down in Oklahoma, not realizing they moved to the wrong state.

. . .

Oklahomans, annoyed by their new Californian neighbors constantly saying "dude" and "bro," have hatched a plot to move the Welcome to Texas signs to Nebraska.

There's more at the link.

The funniest thing is that everyone around here (North Texas) with whom I've shared that is entirely in agreement with it as a strategy!  No matter what their political perspective, they agree about "the California problem".  I try to point out that there are good, balanced, worthy Californians too, but they still look dubious . . .  The liberal/progressive city government and ethos in Austin (which even tried to ban smoky barbecue joints - of all things!) has convinced many Texans that we don't need more of them around here.




Peter

11 comments:

mark leigh said...

Beware the Californicators! Washington and Oregon lost that battle years ago despite semi-organized resistance. Resistance that goes back to the 60's but was in the end overwhelmed, Mostly by retirees upgrading from a fabulously expensive small home to a slightly expensive mini-mansion. The attempts were defeated when the Interstate connected all three states with one road that carries the vast majority of commerce in those states. I-5 was the death of independence in the west.

Silent Draco said...

Put "dog" signs on the cattle. Let the newcomers get out and pet the doggies, then remind them that puppies are rambunctious. Everything is bigger in Teas, after all.

Witold Pilecki said...

I don't mind people fleeing commie blue states, as long as they leave the politics that killed their former residence behind. I had a former d/s/c neighbor that was actually part of the party aparachik, that claimed he could no longer financially "get by" here in Kommiecticut. They owned their horse farm outright and the guy owned an insurance agency. By all indications compared to most to be well off. They moved to South Carolina with the mission to pollute the red state political climate there in my opinion.

Duke of URL VFM#391 said...

"move the Welcome to Texas signs to Nebraska."
Won't work - we already have border guards checking out Coloradans trying to sneak in - easy to expand the patrols along the border with Kansas...

NITZAKHON said...

Same problem here in NH.

We have M*ssholes who move up here to escape the high taxes and crushing regulations... and then continue to vote for the same party that enacted the very policies they fled.

SiGraybeard said...

Florida has had that problem for as long as I've been aware of the world. There are developments that were built that went on selling demos in NYC and moved most of a floor of apartments into condos. Neighbors stayed neighbors a thousand miles away.

After they move into a state with no income tax and less regulation they push for the same policies that led them to leave. It's not just retirees moving for the sunshine and shuffleboard.

Two months ago, I thought it was almost a joke to talk about closing Florida to travel. We don't actually have a border so if they cut off air travel, people could just drive in. Now I think it might have been worth a try.

Laser Jock said...

Funny, growing up in Colorado, we had a steady stream of Texans moving into the state. They were always complaining that things were so much better in Texas. They wouldn't like it if you pointed out that the road goes both ways...

Of course we also had the the Californian problem too.

Aesop said...

I don't mind you keeping Californians out.
Call when you find any.

It's the toothless banjo-playing kinfolk from the other 49 states, getting tarred as "Californians" because this state was just the last stop on the Pillaging Horde's national tour. They're about as "Californian" as Nancy Pelosi and Ahnuld Schwarzenegger.
It'd probably also be a help to your plans if a steady stream of TX governors weren't always taking trips to CA, to lure CA businesses there.
You got 'em; now enjoy what comes with that: CA employees following their paychecks. Let me know how that, and endless illegals in the border countries works out for ya. Hereabouts, it hasn't been a good thing, unless you like going from red to purple to blue within a generation.

I heard the same fake sign idea worked to stop the Texification of California back in the day, too.
The just put signs near the rim of the Grand Canyon that said "California - straight ahead."
The Texans, I heard, took hurdling the gap as a personal challenge. ;)

Sherm said...

My third generation Texan father fled the state over 60 years ago for Montana. I spent some time away from Montana and when I returned it was with a California drivers license. The folks at the DMV weren't nasty when I went in for a Montana license but things were a bit chilly. When I mentioned I could run up to the court house for a birth certificate the thaw was remarkable. All of a sudden I was okay.
Note for those thinking of moving - It snowed here yesterday, May 11.

J Melcher said...

Do you know the one about the Californian, the Coloradan, and the Texan?

The Californian opens a bottle of wine, takes one sip, then tosses the bottle into the recycling bin. " We have so much great wine at home we can afford to waste it. ". The Coloradan opens a can of craft beer, takes a sip, and tosses the can into the recycles. "We have so much great beer at home we can afford to waste it." The Texas opens a flask of tequila, drains it, pulls a pistol, and shoots the Californian. As he's hauling the corpse to the recycler the Coloradan shouts, " What the hell? " and the Texans says: "We got so many Californians back home..."

Nuke Road Warrior said...

As an emeritus member of the Schuyler P. Colfax Society (named after a 19th Century politician who was never reported to have set foot in what would become the state of Idaho), I may have to back in harness making signs like "Welcome to Idaho, Rattlesnake Capital of the World"'; "Idaho, Gateway to the Yellowstone Park Super-volcano"; "Idahoans, Have you Bought your Californian Hunting License Yet? No Bag Limit"; "Californians, We Have More Earthquakes Than You Do"; "Summer in Idaho July 3rd Through the 5th, Dress accordingly." I'll leave it to the provisional wing to drive wooden wedges into to the San Andreas Fault, then soak them in water.