Adequate Man has compiled a list - and what a list! - of objects people inserted into various bodily orifices during the past year. A great deal of it is unsafe for work, but some of the orifices are more mentionable in polite company, so I can provide these examples.
It’s here! It’s finally here! Every year it seems like the big day will never come, but it’s here. It’s the day to gather with your family and friends ‘round the hearth, warm beverages and sweet treats at the ready, and have a hearty chortle over the things America stuck inside itself and couldn’t remove without the help of trained medical personnel.
All reports are taken from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits, all descriptions are verbatim, and none of those things belong in there.
As always, objects are sorted by orifice, working south:
“PLACED CRAYON IN EAR ON A DARE”
“WAS BORED AT SCHOOL, PUT PART OF A PEN IN EAR”
END OF A COMB
“ALWAYS PUTS TOILET PAPER IN EAR WHEN SHOWERING. CAN’T REMOVE”
“WAS CLEANING EAR WITH Q-TIP, ACCIDENTALLY WALKED INTO WALL, PUSHED Q-TIP INTO EAR”
“SNEEZED AND A COMPUTER KEYBOARD KEY CAME OUT RT. NOSTRIL, SNEEZED AGAIN & ANOTHER ONE ALMOST CAME OUT”
There's more at the link. As mentioned earlier, some of the body parts (and the things inserted in them) are definitely NSFW!
Personally, I've never been tempted to put anything remotely "interesting" into any body part, so I read that list with mind-boggled incomprehension. Also, how is it possible for so many people to have had an object get into something anatomically inappropriate (if not impossible) by "falling on it" or "sitting on it" by "accident"? Methinks the victims doth protest too much! (The nurses and emergency medical personnel I know tend to have a rather droll reaction to such excuses, to put it mildly. Ask JB to tell you his kielbasa story sometime . . . he's already given me permission to use it in a novel, so I'll have to come up with a scenario where such an event - and the wildly