Tuesday, September 14, 2021

Lawdog strikes again!


I know many of my readers were big fans of Lawdog's blog (as was/am I, for that matter).  Due to reasons beyond his control, he hasn't been actively blogging for a while, and we aren't sure when that will change.  However, he continues to share stories with an "inner circle" on some more private social media, and he gave me permission to share this one with you.

Old story.

So, today the Chief Deputy drapes an arm across my shoulders and says, "'Dog, I've got a complaint from a local attorney regarding one of our lieutenants."

I squint at him, not really knowing where this is going.

"Apparently this lieutenant asked the attorney if he was aware that the legal Bar wasn't actually a brass pole."

Oh. I look at the Chief over my glasses, "Is this the same attorney with the paralegal who was almost wearing a skin-tight, lemon-yellow belt as a dress in jury trial last week?"

He blinks.

"Whose G-string was tuned to an 'A'?"

"Now, 'Dog ..."

"The only thing keeping her non-OEM sweater puppies from rampaging through the prosecution like a pair of squishy Saint Bernards was one panicking zipper and the grace of multiple gods."

There's a very liquid sneeze behind us. I turn around and the Detective Captain has apparently blown his triple-shot venti mocha through his sinuses. Damned waste.

I look back at my boss, who is firmly massaging the bridge of his nose. "'Dog, seems like maybe she wasn't strictly following the court dress code, but ..."

"She had roses on her knickers."

"'Dog ..."

"Fourteen of them."


"Number eight was missing a petal."

There's a long sigh. His Migraine Salute gets more brisk, "'Dog, have we had the Diplomacy Discussion lately?"

I think for a moment. "December."

"Pretend we just had it again. Go forth, and sin no more."

I have Lawdog's permission to share a few other stories with you from time to time, so watch this space!  (It's handy living in the same town as he does.  One can apply violence bribery "moral 'suasion" in such matters.)



jen said...

BWAHAHAHA! I love his stories!!! Especially the honey badger. I hope Lawdog is ok? Jen

Peter said...

@jen: Yes, he's fine.

Francis Turner said...

"moral 'suasion"? Is he Stalky, Beetle, or M'turk? And would that make you and, say, OldNFO the other two of the trio?

Daddy Hawk said...

Yes! MORE LawDog please. I keep hoping for more, but.... Thank you for arm twisting him into sharing.

Peter B said...

If "moral suasion" involves adult beverages, I'll chip in to help buy them.

Duke of URL VFM#391 said...

I always loved his blog, especially when he told stories. It was on my Daily Read list.
Very glad to hear he's okay - I was afraid he'd died.

Aaron said...

The man can truly tell awesome stories with flair and to absolute perfection.

Bear Claw Chris Lapp said...

Thank you and Dog for that.

Sam L. said...


ChrisJ said...

LOVE stories like that. The wife howled with laughter at the Pink Gorilla Suit story and calls me "Pinky" every time I wear a pink shirt. (I have 6 neon pink t-shirts. They were on sale!)

Thanks for sharing, and thanks for all you do Peter.

Ratus said...

Thanks for this posting of LawDog, Peter.

Ever since I heard him on VC back in the day, everything he writes I now here in in voice.

This was wonderful.

Steve Sky said...

I got quite a laugh out of it this morning. Thank you Lawdog & Peter.

However, while at work, I got to thinking about it and I was wondering if the Defense Attorney had her deliberately dress that way as a visual distraction.

Skinnedknuckles said...

I loved Lawdog's blog, as well as his books, and have missed his writing these past months. I'm glad he's sharing his stories and thank you so much for passing them on. I hope he is doing well and please let me know that at least one reader misses his humor and insight very much

1LLoyd said...

Thanks for sharing this. I have been missing Lawdog stories more than I realized. Give us more please.

Robert said...

I second what everybody else said. Unreservedly.

KurtP said...

I really hope to hear more from him, even though it's secondhand.
Moar Lawdaog!

John T. Block said...

Hope he returns to blogging, as the Spirit moves him...miss his writing muchly...

Jerry said...

Thank you, and please let "Dog" know I really miss his writing. Praying he will be able to continue soon. (BTW, if I'm reading correctly I live North of his location, but can't be sure. :-) )

Is there anyway to get into his inner circle?

MrGarabaldi said...

Hey Peter

"The only thing keeping her non-OEM sweater puppies from rampaging through the prosecution like a pair of squishy Saint Bernards was one panicking zipper and the grace of multiple gods." Man I'll remember that one...LOL