Friday, May 12, 2023

I thought I'd heard it all, but...


Courtesy of a heads-up from an anonymous reader, we learn that not all butt-plugs are what they seem to be.  Twitter user Dread Pirate Bradius informs us:

(Click either image for a larger view.)

Who on earth wears - or inserts;  I don't think they're "wearable" - one of those things while walking around, let alone to a medical appointment?  What happened to normality?  Am I missing something here?

Sheesh . . .



Amahl_Shukup said...

"Anal railgun"... I never thought that I would see those words in print.

Anonymous said...

When I read a former gay man's treatis 'How I Survived Being Gay' what struck me was; how many support themselves working in restaurants and handle food? Their hygiene is atrocious and their external bacterial load enormous. Why? Because they are mentally ill and diddle themselves. Gross. Like eating off the floor of an insane asylum. Need I continue!

Anonymous said...

1. Ouch.
2. Now that I have a permanent ostomy bag, and no more rectum/anus available on my person, maybe I understand what that orifice was designed for.

MNW said...

I that the actual picture? The size can't be real

Peteforester said...

Welp... Natural selection ALMOST worked...

Anonymous said...

Incontinent and doesn't want to wear a diaper/Depends?

Hamsterman said...

There once was a man from Rangoon
Whose screams could be heard from the moon
The plugs tore from his rectum
when he least would expect 'em
With the force of a gale typhoon!

lynn said...

Why ???

jefferson101 said...

Let us lay aside he question of how stupid someone has to be to wear one of those to a medical appointment for a moment. We're in Darwin award territory here.

What comes to my mind each time I hear of one of these "MRI yanks metal and damages or kills someone" is another question.

Why do they not put a metal detector in and run people through it before they go into the machine? It seems to me to be a fairly simple solution to the problem.

Peter said...

@Amahl_Shukup: Yes, and it nearly rectum!


Skyler the Weird said...

There once was a young man from Nice
Who Installed a butt plug device
He had an MRI
And the butt plug did fly
Now he wishes he'd just stuck to Mice.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Words fail me.

Jen said...


GuardDuck said...

Aesop said...

Torn large intestine, hepatic contusion (at minimum), and emergency surgery. I hope the OR team could keep a straight face when informed.

"Why no metal detector"?
1) Implanted objects don't register well, if at all.
Think about replacement joints and back hardware, for example. You seldom see those trip the sensors on people walking past metal detectors to get into a bank. Because they're not that sensitive.
2) The ACLU would have a hissy fit if hospitals and MRI places did that. For reals.

Thank you for making my day when I recount this tale at work tonight to my fellow medical professionals, Peter. Morbid humor is always the best.

"People are not stupider and crazier than you imagine.
They are stupider and crazier than you can imagine."

And I'd like to add my vote that "anal rain gun" was the phrase I'd have thought least likely to hear in my lifetime. And still hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Other than wondering what an "estimated" attorney might be...

Yes, Pete, you're missing something. Well, in all honesty, you aren't really missing it. “There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

I don't recommend you perform a web search for "rectal foreign objects", unless you're truly curious about the extent of such. It's rather amusing, and frightening at the same time.
-- jed

Celia Hayes said...

Words fail me also - although I snickered uncontrollably at Hamsterman's limrick.

Philip Sells said...

Yes, words fail me... but they did not fail Hamsterman!

Anonymous said...

Long, long ago when the world was new, I worked in hospitals before putting on a badge for 28 years. In an urban city-owned hospital, I saw a man in a 3 piece suit come walking up to ER admissions. Or not exactly walking normally. There is a certain knock-kneed, pigeon-toed, attempting to levitate by pure force of will, step that means that something has been inserted into what is normally an outgoing orifice.

Upon x-ray, the object in question turned out to be one of the small jars of Skippy Chunky peanut butter. I will note that that particular x-ray was on the light board in the radiologists' lounge for quite a while.

It turns out that "3 piece suit" secretly swung both ways, and was having an afternoon break with his boyfriend. But that was not all. "3 piece's" wife called him at work about something. Secretary did not know why, but told her that she had just heard that "3 Piece" was at [deleted name] hospital ER. Wife is thinking heart attack or something like that. She comes in to the ER at 4 Bells and a Jingle, screaming for her husband. I, and some ER staff, catch her and try to quiet her, and she ain't having any of it. She ends up berating the attending ER doc and demanding to know what was wrong and where he was. Doc got tired of it and finally said, "Lady, he's got a jar of Skippy Chunky shoved up his a--.". Which shocked her into stopping screaming for a while.

She eventually did get into the bay he was in. There was a discussion with some vehemence towards the end. Attorneys were mentioned before she stomped off.

The MRI story came close to topping the one I saw.

Subotai Bahadur

Mop said...

how did it get through the metal detector? it took a minute to stop laughing.

Andrew Smith said...

@Mop Probably at the speed of sound. Anal rail gun and all that.

(boom boom)

Yeah, I'll be laughing all week. :-)

Clive said...

I suspect this will result in hospital staff being required to add a few questions to the Procedure Prep. That should be interesting.

Ritchie said...

Seems like normality is for normies. I'll just be over here in the normie reserve. Or would that be the ghetto?

Tom Bridgeland said...

Talk with any long-time ER nurse and you will hear similar stories. Heard one just this week, in fact, involving an air trip from Texas to Chicago and an inserted item. I guess some people find plane trips boring?

Virginia Granny said...

I asked my 40 yo DS what an anal plug was. His response - "Oh, God."

DrBob3142 said...

I designed and tested MRI scanners for many years, and did MRI research in a medical school/level 1 trauma center hospital for 20 years.
I have grave doubts about this picture. While a metal object could get through the detector at the door, the picture has to be fake. Two reasons:
1. If the object moved that forcefully and that far into the body, the patient would have been pulled immediately out of the scanner by the technologist. I've had veterans with steel shrapnel in their bodies and they KNOW when they are being moved into the magnet. They complain and we took them out.
If the object had sufficient amounts of ferromagnetic material (iron, nickel or cobalt), or even non-magnetic stainless steel, the RF field would be so badly disturbed that the image around the object would turn black for many centimeters in all directs.
So I call this one a fake.

Anonymous said...

He was afraid the aliens in the MRI would probe his butt.

Aesop said...

1) Nobody's saying the patient wasn't pulled out immediately.
2) That looks more like a CT scan, which would be automatic after such an injury as alleged, not an MRI.
3) Image may have been edited. That's not the same as photoshopped.
4) Given the number of rectal foreign body stories I've witnessed firsthand, there is absolutely nothing about this story that would make me suspect it's anything but the real deal.

Tirno said...

This causes me to recall a tenuously related anecdote.

As a young 2LT weather office, I was once giving a weather briefing to a flightcrew, and in a moment of unprofessionalism, advised them to make some adjustments to their route or flight level due to a region with a "buttload of turbulence".

The aircraft commander then asked what a "buttload" was in metric. I looked him dead in the eye and, completely deadpan, I said:

"Sir, we'll need to do some unit conversion. My operating definition of a 'buttload' is based on a list of things extracted in emergencies rooms..."

The aircraft command was attempting, and largely failing, to maintain military bearing.

"... so in American terms, a 'buttload' is a twenty-eight..."

I slowed down here a little as this major was desperately trying to keep from laughing.

"... ounce..."

The major closed his eyes, bowed his head, and had started to vibrate at 180Hz.

"... toolbox."

"BWAAAAAHHH!" says the major as his legs gave out and he fell to the floor on the other side of the briefing counter.

Anonymous said...

Come on, you don’t actually believe this is true do you?

Anonymous said...