I'm still laughing at a post on Maggie's Farm, purporting to give the unspoken response (UR) of a psychologist to client comments (CC) from his patients.
A few samples:
CC: Do you think I should follow my heart?
UR: Yes, I think leaving your wife and kids and running off with the 18 year-old Swedish au pair is an excellent life plan.
CC: My marriage stinks because my wife/husband is an impossible jerk.
UR: And everybody in jail is innocent, too.
CC: My parents were too harsh and punitive with me.
UR: From what you've told me about yourself, they had every reason to be.
CC: If only somebody would give me the chance, I could show what I can really do.
UR: The Chance Distributor only comes by every third Wednesday nowadays. Blame Bush.
CC: My husband keeps saying I'm self-centered, self-indulgent, and immature.
UR: He is too tactful.
CC: I think it's about time I finally got my act together.
UR: Why not wait 'til next year?
CC: Sometimes I feel like everybody deliberately avoids me and snubs me.
UR: Try a deodorant.
There are plenty more at the link. Click over there and enjoy!