Today's award goes to the person who asked this question concerning the volcanic eruptions currently going on in Hawaii.
The USGS responded to one Twitter user who asked, “Is it safe to roast marshmallows over volcanic vents? Assuming you had a long enough stick, that is? Or would the resulting marshmallows be poisonous?”
. . .
The USGS responded:
Erm... we're going to have to say no, that's not safe. (Please don't try!) If the vent is emitting a lot of SO2 or H2S, they would taste BAD. And if you add sulfuric acid (in vog, for example) to sugar, you get a pretty spectacular reaction.
There's more at the link.
That someone would even think it feasible (if not necessarily safe) to get that close to an active volcanic vent in the first place . . . verily, the mind doth boggle! You might say this Doofus award is an honorary preliminary to their almost inevitable Darwin award!