Tuesday, August 23, 2011


I was amused by this advertisement on the Nashville Craigslist Web site, which Miss D. brought to my attention.

Having problems with neighbors' dogs barking? Do I have a deal for you!

Early riser neighbors who like to cut their grass at 6am on Saturday mornings? No problem!

Perhaps a party crowd that prefers to rock and roll all night long? Payback is sweet, my friend!

Add one of these babies to your household and stand back! Each boy is completely environmentally friendly and is guaranteed to annoy the daylights out of close neighbors. If they are anything like their daddy, the entire block will be able to hear them when they tune up. Daddy has a lovely tenor crow and has been known to crow all day long. Usually tunes up around 4am and knocks off about sunset. Needs no batteries!

Other possible uses for these swell boys:

  • bug extermination: These guys can eat their body weight in random bugs. Good bugs, bad bugs, doesn't matter. They like them all. They seem especially fond of ticks, which makes me really happy in the summer.
  • Compost makers: Boy howdy are they excellent compost makers! You have never seen such compost. And they add to the compost pile daily without stop. Compost, compost, compost! (Some assembly required on the actual compost making. These guys just contribute to the mix. You will need to do some shoveling.)
  • Feathers for fly-fishing. Periodically they like to drop all their feathers just for fun. You can expect feathers everywhere just ripe for the picking. These are fabulous if you like to tie fly-fishing lures. Look at the money you will save. You could even start a thriving home business. Have small children? Tiny fingers tie tiny flies!
  • Dinner: If you have it in you, they would make a tasty dinner. Full grown they should dress out at 8+ pounds. These guys are hormone free, cage free and free range when they can be supervised. So far they have had a tasty diet of chick feed, scratch, bugs, vegi scraps and fruit. Mmmm... tasty! (They are currently 12 weeks old. You'll need to keep them another couple of months before they are full grown. Disassembly is definitely required. They will come to you kicking and screaming. You are on your own for the killing. If I thought I could do it I wouldn't be selling these fine boys.)
  • Security force: Having trouble with strangers in the yard? Add a couple of these delightful yard ornaments and they will scare the willies out of intruders. Nothing more impressive than a cranky rooster coming at you feet first! You could even get one of those little "Beware of Rooster" signs to add a little more emphasis. You would be the talk of the town.
  • Make more Chickens! Add a couple of hens and these guys will happily help you start a chicken empire. Seriously, their daddy is worse than a rabbit about making more chickens. If they take after their daddy even remotely you will soon have herds of tiny chickens peeping away.

I'm sure there are many, many other great uses for one of these fabulous roosters. Everyone will be wanting one soon. They are the next "in" thing!

There's more at the link.

The only problem I can foresee is that around here, most (all?) of the neighbors have shotguns. I daresay that after a couple of rather-too-early-in-the-morning squawks, the roosters' crowing would elicit a much noisier and rather more terminal response!



Anonymous said...

Marketing is EVERYTHING.


trailbee said...

I live in the country, and sleep with my windows open. We had to sign an affidavit acknowledging that we knew we were living in an agricultural area and that livestock and other animals were allowed in this area - which included my three local roosters! But, I do get fresh eggs.