Friday, December 20, 2013

A whole new level of commercial competition!

I laughed long and loud when I read this news (?) in the Rock City Times, which describes itself as "Arkansas' 2nd most unreliable news source".

Walmart today announced plans to install mini surface-to-air missile batteries on the rooftops of all 4,786 store locations across the United States. The missiles will exclusively target Amazon Prime Air drones.

. . .

“Customers are consistently choosing convenience over traditional in person retail shopping,” John Simmons, head of Walmart’s Megatron division tells us. “We face a problem in the coming years. Either we do what we can to increase convenience, something the retail division has failed to do, or we start declaring war on online retailers. Personally I am ready to blow up some drones.”

. . .

Walmart says they plan to recover the downed drones and use the recycled parts to build an android workforce specifically programed to not complain about vacation time and health insurance.

There's more at the link.

What's even funnier is that several commenters at the site apparently thought the report was genuine, and are frothing at the mouth over it.  One example:

What happen if the missile’s computer gets all buggy and kills someone by mistake? Hmmmmmm, Think about it Walmart, your missiles will kill someone! Instead of using weapons, why not get droids yourself? Walmart with this missile idea you sound like a terrorist organization! Osama Bin Walmart!!!!

My personal favorite comment was:

Want to know how to tell this story is fake?  It has Walmart buying American-made missiles.


1 comment:

Rev. Paul said...

Wal-Mart buying American ... priceless! :)