Today's doofus is an unfortunate thief from Warsaw, Poland.
A suspect tried to evade police by wrapping himself in a carpet.
Miroslaw Dabrowski, 32, rolled up in a rug and propped himself against a wall on the balcony as police searched his aunt's home in Warsaw.
He was only found after two hours when a detective went out to the balcony to smoke a cigarette and the officer noticed it was shivering.
A shivering carpet? Yeah, that'd get my attention, too . . . Pity he didn't roll himself in it while it was still indoors!