Sunday, August 30, 2009

Is this a case of 'ass-king for trouble'?

Hat-tip to Marc D. for e-mailing the link to this story.

According to Iraq The Model, there's a new danger facing our troops and allies - the IRED, or 'Improvised Rectal Explosive Device'.

The suicide bomber who tried to assassinate a Saudi prince used an unusual place to conceal his explosive charge; his anus.

Al-Arabiya, a Saudi-owned television network, said the attacker concealed the explosives in his anus, allowing him to evade detection. The network also quoted an expert as saying that the method of concealment aimed the blast away from the target, while blowing the bomber to bits.

Gladly the attack failed, otherwise Iraqi officials would freak out and demand that all visitors to government offices have their anuses probed before entry.

There's more at the link.

Quite apart from the effect on one's digestion (isn't one supposed to wait an hour after eating before blowing up?), there are all sorts of other complications. A few examples:

  • Would this make the bomber Public Enema No. 1?
  • If the device works, could the assassination be described as 'effartless'?
  • If procrastination is the thief of time, would constipation be the thief of life? (For the bomber, at any rate, not to mention his victim[s]!)
  • Are laxatives now a recommended accessory for Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) experts and teams?
  • If the bomb goes off while the suicide bomber is facing you, wouldn't that direct the blast in the opposite direction to that desired? On the other hand, how the hell is he going to get you to allow him to turn around, bend over, and point his backside at you?
  • If a bomber's rectum explodes, how will you be able to tell whether he had explosives up there, or had simply eaten a bowl of some of the hotter Texas chilis I've had the misfortune to sample on occasion?

I can see a whole new field of inquiry opening up here!



Anonymous said...

Talk about high ass-perations.
Or- A royal pain in the ass.
Or- Approaching a problem from a different direction.
Or- Time to get anal about bomb checks.

There are EVEN WORSE jokes one could concoct concerning anal inspections (why are you dropping your pants, too??), but I won't go any further. . .

May all Al-Quida's plans fail in such a spectular (and humerous) fashion!

B Woodman

The Raving Prophet said...

Guy 1: Hid the explosives in his rectum?

Guy 2: Hid them WHERE?

G1: In his RECTUM.

G2: Rectum? Sounds like it KILLED him!

Daniel said...

Public Enema, yes, but not number one. This is DEFinitely a case of "Number Two"!

jjbduke2004 said...

If you fart, can the explosives detonate prematurely? Definitely not an example of an SBD.

Seth from Massachusetts said...

Darn it! You guys made me laugh so hard I almost passed out!

Jim March said...

He was obviously in arrears, behind in payments and trying desperately to re-ASSes his financed. Osama Yo Mama and company told him he'd be paid "out the ass" for his rear-guard action.