That's the title of a very funny article in the Telegraph. Here's an excerpt.
The do’s and don’ts of my perfect hotel room would be as follows. Perhaps you’d let us know yours, and then the hotel trade would surely take notice.
DON’T add further cushions. It already takes me 20 minutes to move them all off the bed on to the armchairs before I retire. Any more, and they’re going out the window.
DO install room lighting systems comprehensible to, say, the average university graduate. This means a switch by the door to work a central light, plus switches on either side of the bed that will work both this central light and the bedside lights. And that’s enough. Trying to turn off all the lights, only to find that this operation turns on two standard lamps fashioned like swordfish over by the desk… well, thus do grown men weep. Life gets even worse when turning off the swordfish lamps brings all the other ones back on again.
DON’T overestimate the appeal of domotics. Many hotel clients, including myself, are of a generation trained to turn on heating by hand. We’re also skilled at opening curtains manually. We don’t need to do it by smartphone from the other side of the Atlantic. And if we did need to, we couldn’t, because we don’t understand how the b‑‑‑‑‑ thing works. And every time we try, we get details of traffic jams in Strasbourg. Just stop it, please. And, while you’re about it, simplify the television remote control. I want to watch the late night soccer or, you know, a nature documentary on the termites of Namibia; what I don’t want is to have to tangle with three different satellite dishes, 47 (forty-seven) buttons, bursts of Uzbek folk dancing and hard-core porn before bumping yet again into CNN and its sheet-metal-voiced female presenters who never sleep.
DO put electrical sockets in places where normally constituted humans might reach them without injury. Behind the desk and up the wall beyond the reach of a baby giraffe are not those places.
There's more at the link. Any seasoned traveler (and many less seasoned ones) will have to laugh at it.
I had to nod and smile at some of the author's points, particularly room lighting switches and how hard it is to figure them out. US hotels are better than most at this, but if you travel in Europe or the Far East it can be an eye-opener. I guess Old NFO travels more than most of us - perhaps he could chime in with a few pet hates of his own?