Thursday, April 18, 2013

Doofus Of The Day #695

Today's winner comes from China - and I have to admit, this is one of the weirdest Doofus posts I've ever put up!  The Austrian Times reports:

A porn addict who inserted a live eel up his backside after copying a kinky blue movie had to endure an all night emergency procedure by surgeons in southern China after finding he couldn't get it out.

Surgeons finally removed the 20 inch long Asian swamp eel - which weighed more than half a kilo [over a pound] - in the early hours of the morning after a lengthy treatment with drugs and medical probes.

. . .

"This was a particularly idiotic stunt and could have caused him a serious injury. Eels have small but very sharp teeth," they added.

There's more at the link, including an X-ray image of the eel inside the man's body.

There's so much one could say about this!

  • Clearly, this guy wasn't thinking straight.  In fact, he had more than his head up his ass!
  • He doesn't need an implant - he's already eel-ongated!
  • I'm glad for his sake that the surgeons were so ef-fish-ient.



TheAxe said...

I'm sure he's eel-ated they fixed the problem

Sevesteen said...

I think you got the italics in the wrong place-to me this makes more sense...No, that's not right either....this puts the emphasis where it belongs:
In fact, he had more than his head up his ass!

Rey B said...

"Never mind the Cods Gill. He's gonna need a Sturgeon" The Wet Dream Song.

Chris said...

Did that put a wiggle in his walk and a giggle in his talk?

Shrimp said...

"...They said I'd blown a seal.

I said, 'Fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of it, okay pal.' "

Thank you, Kip Adotta

SiGraybeard said...

I feel terribly sorry. For the eel. What did it ever do to deserve that?

Mike_C said...

This is not the first time this has happened:

Lo SF, Wong SH, Leung LS, Law IC, Chun Yip AW. Traumatic rectal perforation by
an eel. Surgery. 2004 Jan;135(1):110-1. PubMed PMID: 14694309.

A 50-year-old Hong Kong man in this earlier case. Generalizing from these two cases about Cantonese-speakers would be wrong. (Internecine Chinese dialect joke from a Mandarin speaker.)

> Fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of it, okay pal."
The stuff I've heard from colleagues in the ER .... You usually get some unbelievable story along the lines of "I was just getting out of the shower and slipped." Few years ago a young man came in belly-down on a stretcher, with a long curtain rod sticking out of the, um, vent. His first words were, "I have no excuse, please just fix it." That actually won him some respect in the ER. One gets so tired of the bullshit.

dave said...

To be fair, it seems like "NYPD" should be considered a plausible excuse.

Cargosquid said...

I bet that he was feeling quite eel.

Man, that mention of sharp teeth made everything just....pucker up. Hoooboy!