Sunday, December 14, 2008

Daffy Christmas gifts

If you're wondering what to buy that person you really don't like very much, or for someone who has everything, here are a few ideas. Click on each link (underlined) to go to a Web site offering it.

The Goatee Saver: A sort of plastic face-mask thingy that you hold in your mouth and bend to shape, so that you can shave around your goatee without cutting off too much here or there.

Reef Dram Sandals: If you want to sneak alcoholic beverages into a sports stadium, or nightclub, or show, you fill these with your favorite hooch and walk past the guards. However, they don't hold much, and I daresay their contents will soon smell of stale feet!

Puchi Puchi Electronic Bubble Wrap Key Ring: The name's an abomination, and so's the product! This imbecilic device is described as follows:

The Puchi Puchi Electronic Bubble Wrap Key Ring latest craze from those bubbletastic Japanese. This annoyingly addictive electronic bubble wrap popping simulator is a ridiculous alternative to popping bubble wrap! Possibly the strangest and yet most addictive invention ever to hit these shores, Puchi Puchi allows you to pop bubbles for the rest of your life, safe in the knowledge that no plastic has been harmed.

Can you imagine sitting next to someone at the bus stop playing with one of these? If you love clicking pen tops, popping bubble wrap and generally annoying people, then the Puchi Puchi Electronic Bubble Wrap Key Ring is definitely the novelty gift for you. By clicking any of the buttons around 100 times, the Puchi Puchi will reward you with a surprise sound effect such as a doorbell or a dog barking. You will actually find yourself just clicking away on the Puchi Puchi key ring to find out what crazy sound it will come out with next!

I imagine that might be grounds for justifiable homicide!

Dehydrated water: For the survivalist in your life! No, I'm not joking - there really are companies 'making' this stuff. It seems to have started with Bernard Food Industries back in the 1960's. They produced canned dehydrated water as a joke, and their Web site still advertises it as having:

Literally Thousands of Uses!

  • Dry Martinis-Manhattans
  • Watering Cactus
  • VW Bug Anti-Freeze
  • Dry Cleaning
  • Humidifying Saunas
  • Filling Dry Docks
  • Dry Mopping Floors
  • In Dry Sinks
  • Dry Shampoos
  • In Dry-Cell Batteries
  • Dampening Dry Humor
  • Making Dry Ice

Another company offering the stuff is They make a variety of products for the discerning shopper, most of which should leave the recipients baffled, bamboozled - and dry! They even offer franchise opportunities, although questions about your qualifications (such as "Are you a graduate from a reputable college or university, such as The University of Nigeria?") might give you pause for thought . . .

Chocolate Covered Insects: For the less scrupulous eaters among us. Described as:

Chocolate covered cockroaches, grub worms, slugs, and grasshoppers! Display box contains 24 packs of insects smothered with rich milk and white chocolate. Sorry, barf bag not included.

I suspect I won't be buying any of these products for my friends - not if I want to keep them, anyway!


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