Today's winner comes from Florida.
A Naples man is accused of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after an incident Friday outside a bank, where he told deputies he was half orangutan and needed to call the “Fusion Center” to ask about his monkey blood.
. . .
In addition to monkey blood, Loescher repeatedly told deputies he was the director of the CIA and later told them he was Elvis Presley’s brother and a good friend of “President Bush” with whom he shares an attorney.
There's more at the link.
I knew orangutans were an endangered species, but I didn't realize just how endangered! If they share a blood relationship with this guy, they must be on their last legs!