Friday, December 23, 2011

Looking for last-minute Christmas gifts?

Since tomorrow is the last shopping day before the big one, here are a few suggestions that might tickle your fancy (or something else . . . whatever!). Most are tongue-in-cheek, and many are not safe for work or children, so be warned!

First, there's the 'Self Exam Form' for male dangly bits. A reviewer writes:

"Finally, a rubber ****** that I can use for exam training purposes. My room mate was going 'nuts' (pardon the pun) because I kept trying to use his. I wish he wasn't such a light sleeper. Oh well."

Next, there's the 'Giant Swiss Army Knife'.

It has no less than 87 implements with 141 functions (see the link and scroll down for a full list). A user informs us:

Found this stuck into a stone while on vacation. I'm impressed with it, generally. Unfortunately, it turns out that removing it made me the new king of Switzerland, which is a lot of responsibility.

That's odd, seeing that he didn't give his name as Arthur!

For a change of pace, and in case you're not going all-out to cook a mammoth Christmas meal this year, how about an Inflatable Turkey to deceive your guests? As one customer points out:

The Inflatable Turkey and Inflatable Toast should make for an impressive meal when I invite my inflatable girlfriend over for dinner this weekend. It's good to see that foodstuffs designed for Plasto-Americans are finally becoming more widely available.

Er . . . yes! Quite so!

If you're not planning on cooking that big festive meal, you might have to make excuses for your laziness to your family. In that case, you may need the help of the Instant Excuse Ball. According to one user:

The excuses provided by this little miracle ball are nothing less than priceless. Take it from me, if you ever find yourself running into problems covering your fraudulent, two-faced, lie-ridden life, YOU NEED THE INSTANT EXCUSE BALL!

Hey, though, wait a minute - if someone gives you an Instant Excuse Ball as a gift, does that indicate they've seen through your duplicity? Hmmm . . .

If you can't come up with a suitable excuse, you could always try distracting your audience with a Yodeling Pickle.

It's not perfect, as one user points out, but nevertheless it seems pretty popular:

I have withheld one star from my review however, giving the Yodeling Pickle just four of five possible stars. There isn't a headphone jack, which is only a problem if the folks around me don't appreciate yodeling, (which almost NEVER happens). Also, I was accustomed to carrying the iPod strapped to my arm with the elastic armband accessory. Nothing like this is available for the pickle. On my beach walks, I've found that the pickle can be carried around by conveniently tucking it down into the front of my Speedo. I've met tons of nice ladies on the beach since scoring the pickle. I can only assume they dig yodeling as much as I do.

The sheer ghastliness of the thought of a yodeling pickle (!?!?!) made me want to buy the WTF? Self-Inking Rubber Stamp. It's the only one of these gift suggestions for which I might actually find a use!


1 comment:

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