Monday, December 19, 2011

Not your average paralegal assistants . . .

It seems that paralegal services are becoming rather more . . . er . . . adventurous than I recall during my years as a prison chaplain! The Miami New Times reports:

Stripteases, sexual favors, booze, porn mags, and fat stacks of cash would be run-of-the-mill in many Miami strip clubs. But at downtown's maximum security Federal Detention Center?

Multiple attorneys interviewed by Riptide say the FDC visitor rooms have been taken over by South American pole dancers posing as paralegals for wealthy drug lords inside. Lawyers hired by the accused narco dons allegedly list the scantily clad women as "legal assistants," and the FDC lets them in. Meanwhile, attorneys who refuse to go along risk losing their clients to lawyers with busty beauties on staff.

"They take off their tops and let the guys touch them," veteran defense attorney Hugo Rodriguez says. "The majority of these young, very attractive women are noncitizens brought in exclusively for the purposes of visiting the FDC. Any lawyer can sign a form and designate a legal assistant. There is no way of verifying it. The process is being abused."

. . .

"Everyone knows about it," says a private investigator who is familiar with the FDC and asked not to be named. "We call them the 'little hoochie mamas'... They are making a mockery out of the prison system here."

There's more at the link.

I had to deal with my fair share of Latin American drug lords at a high-security Federal penitentiary . . . but alas, there were no busty paralegals offering additional, extracurricular 'services'. I must get hold of my counterparts at Miami's FDC and ask them whether these reports are true. Who knows? They may be able to use a retired chaplain to help out now and again . . .


1 comment:

Bill N. said...

After a hard day of working at the office with para-legals, how are you going to survive going to sleep at home once the Mrs. finds out about your new job? :-)