I thought I'd heard of just about every ridiculous, far-out church, sect and cult on the planet: but I was wrong. Today's doofus, self-appointed 'Cardinal' Carlos Bebeacua, has come up with something so daft I'd never have believed it possible!
The Madonna of Orgasm Church (Orgasmens Madonnas kyrka) took an important step toward official recognition in Sweden last week when a court ruled it had the right to be registered as a faith community.
Originally, the Legal, Financial and Administrative Services Agency (Kammarkollegiet) had refused the church’s registration application on the grounds that its name may offend Christians.
But the church’s founder, artist Carlos Bebeacua from Lövestad in southern Sweden, won his appeal to the county administrative court.
If the agency does not appeal the court’s decision within three weeks, then it must process Bebeacua’s application to register the church, which he founded in the early 1990s.
According to the Skånska Dagbladet newspaper, the idea for the church came to Bebeacua, who is the church’s self-appointed cardinal, after a painting of his entitled 'The Madonna of Orgasm' sparked protests requiring police action during the 1992 World’s Fair in Seville, Spain.
“The orgasm is God, the orgasm should be worshiped,” Bebeacua told the Kvällsposten newspaper.
“The orgasm is the ultimate feeling of lust, it shouldn’t be limited to ejaculation. You can reach it through art or by looking at a landscape and thinking ‘Wow!’”
According to Bebeacua, the church has a few hundred followers, and he hopes that registering the Madonna of Orgasm Church will get more people to consider the orgasm as God.
The church only has priestesses and its scriptures are called the Catechism of the Orgasm. The only gospel peached is the gospel of sex.
“It’s so we do what we know is right and good,” Bebeacua told Kvällsposten.
During ceremonies, the priestesses read verses and eat fruit and drink juice. Sex isn’t the focus, but it’s not forbidden either.
“It’s never happened. I don’t know how we’d react if it happened,” said Bebeacua.
He deflects allegations that his church is all about orgies and sex, claiming its purpose is to help people see orgasms as a metaphor for a love of life.
“There’s nothing dangerous in what we say, we’re harmless. It’s just that we have our doubts about established religions,” he told the TT news agency.
Ye Gods and little fishes. Now I've heard everything!
Still, this does give rise to a few interesting questions . . .
- If the State refuses to recognize the new Church, could this be said to be official condom-nation?
- Will the new Church adopt Viagra, Cialis, Levitra and similar drugs as sacramental substances?
- Will excommunication involve mandatory sexual dysfunction? (Or woman-datory, for that matter!)
- If the ladies of the church have Battery Operated Boyfriends, and the batteries run down, is this a sign of spiritual, moral or electrical degeneration (or a combination)?
Finally, one can only assume that their entrance hymn will be 'O Come, All Ye Faithful' - with suitably modified verses, of course!