Today's (late) Doofus comes from South Carolina.
A Summerville man celebrating his 23rd birthday died early Thursday after he apparently tried to "slap the train" as it traveled past a local bar.
Justin Helton was pronounced dead at the scene after suffering multiple fractures and massive blunt force injuries, Dorchester County Coroner Chris Nisbet said.
. . .
Witnesses told Summerville police officers that Helton had been drinking throughout the night and appeared to be in a good mood until he had an argument with an ex-girlfriend, an incident report said.
The woman told police that Helton became upset and went to the oncoming train to touch it with his hand when his foot became stuck in the track in front of the train. She said it did not appear as if he jumped in front of the train, according to the report.
Another witness said she watched the incident from the bar's front porch. She said Helton ran out of a car to the edge of the grass near the railroad tracks. He was standing with his arms spread out and the wind was whipping his shirt hard. The witness said it appeared as though he hit the side of the train and didn't get back up, the report said.
Nisbet said the train conductor was unaware of what happened and had to be stopped farther along the tracks for the investigation.
There's more at the link.
He wanted to 'slap the train'.
. . . . . .
He wanted to WHAT???
Sometimes words absolutely fail me . . .