Wednesday, December 9, 2009

A superb rant!

Stingray, the male half of the Atomic Nerds, has unleased a truly superb rant about the 'commercial Christmas' being inflicted upon us all, as usual, at this time of year. His language is sometimes over the top, but in general he says it all very well indeed - and very rudely!

Here are a few excerpts to whet your appetite:

On Christmas music: "The little boy with the drum can just go sit on those drumsticks - aside from the saccharine message of the whole thing, what sort of retarded jackass starts banging away on a drum like Keith Moon in front of a f***ing newborn? As for the classic and thus clearly intellectual 'Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies', I’ve reached the point where I feel applause is the correct response should anybody take it upon themselves to shove an oboe up the player’s posterior sideways and then use the combined entity to set fire to an oboe factory. Possibly also a small cash award and commemorative plaque."

On charity collectors: "Instead of standing there acting as the f***ing Headache Fairy, hire some girl with big t*** to stand in the cold topless and demonstrate just how awful things are if you can’t afford a coat. I guarantee you, if you take that route to fund raising for charity my reaction absolutely will not be contemplating how many possible ways there are to kill a man with a small hand-held bell."

On Christmas advertising: "I don’t know who was originally responsible for the campaign in which two brain-damaged anthropomorphic candy pieces confront a delusional home-invader dressed in a pimp suit, only to have everybody faint in shock from either hallucinating two brain-damaged anthropomorphic candy pieces or from confronting a delusional home-invader dressed in a pimp suit, but I have a coil of barbed wire, two gallons of gasoline, sixteen rolls of duct tape, five lemons, and a year’s worth of back issues of 'Cat Fancy' with their name on it. Should be a pretty good party if I ever catch the son of a bitch."

Magnificent! Go read.


1 comment:

Julie said...

Thanks for the heads up - that's one classic rant!