Today's Doofus is from Panama City Beach, Florida.
A man arrested for burglary Saturday told sheriff’s deputies he was not a thief — he was this area’s Batman.
Danny Zane Tatum, 35, claimed “he was like Batman and that he was a vigilante on our side,” Bay County Sheriff’s Deputy Rick Williams wrote in Tatum’s arrest report.
Williams found Tatum in a truck off the 8000 block of Surf Drive, where a neighbor said he spotted a strange man walking out of the house next door. The owners apparently were out of town.
The deputy walked toward the truck as Tatum tried to start it. Williams told him to stop — but Tatum didn’t, until Williams put his hand on his gun and Tatum said, “Oh, I guess you were talking to me,” according to the report.
As they talked, Tatum told Williams he was staying with a friend at the nearby Andy’s Motel — his “hide-out” when he “needed to lay low.”
Tatum then consented to a search of his truck, and Williams found a black tote bag with screwdrivers, a hacksaw, binoculars, black gloves and several knives. Elsewhere in the truck were bolt cutters and a steel pry bar.
Asked of his occupation, Tatum characterized himself as a “beach bum.” When told his supply of tools made him look like a burglar, Tatum said he was like Batman.
Tatum said “he had been stopped by us about three weeks ago, and that he was caught with a police scanner and several tools, but he was released, so he thought we needed his help,” Williams wrote.
“I then asked why we needed his help and Danny stated that he would listen and when we made a ‘dope’ bust, he would wait till we left and then ransack the house,” the deputy added. “I then placed Danny in the rear of my car.”
There's more at the link.
Batman, indeed! Did he seriously expect the officer to believe him? I can only assume he'd been imbibing a range of substances that boosted him higher than the Caped Crusader in his Batplane!